Thursday, May 27, 2004
so comments work now... they're a lil strange... but... oh well...
(1) comments
ok, so i haven't posted on here in forever... i could try and catch up and post stuff, but i'm not... i give up on this one til i get it set up the way i want it, b/c it's a pain tryin to keep up with two... so... go read xanga....
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Friday, May 07, 2004
well... sarah ruth and her family are gone.... they went to eat at the butcher shop... as much as they make me feel like i'm welcome and a part of their family, i have to remember that i'm not... my family, shattered in all its many pieces, is scattered all over the place.... my mom's at home, probably eating a salad or a cheeseburger or rice or somethin.... saga's closed.... i don't know what i'm going to do for supper.... maybe i'll just stay here.. i'm not that hungry anyway... that still leaves the question of what to do for the next 6-7 hours left in the day... i can't really even go to sleep til after 11, b/c sr's checking out then, and nicole will be in here, and they will have been cleaning until then.... i'm sick of wasting time on the computer... i could watch tv, but that's extrememly pointless.... any other day, i'd just read, but i really don't have the energy to pick up a book and get lost in it and spend my time that way.... there's a lot of hours in a day... especially when there's nothing to do.... or no one to talk to.... or nobody even around to be bored with....
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so.. it's... friday...
it's finally friday... exams are over.. the sky's bright blue... a few fluffy clouds.. beautiful sunshine... typical overly warm Texas weather... families all around campus helping people move....
it's... friday.... the walls are bare and lifeless... the halls are empty and begin to take on a spooky aura... the only thing that is in abundance (aside from the cars out in the circle and up and down the road) are the vast quantities of dirt and hairballs stubbornly clinging to everything immaginable.... shelves are empty.... refriegerators gape open like dead things with slowly spreading pools of frigid water forming at their bases.... those who've been moving creep along slowly, for the constant climbing and carrying and lifting have taken their toll.... those who aren't moving yet also creep along wishing those who'd left had stayed... families of 8 or 9 months are now broken as families of decades are reunited.... people scurry around trying to meet checkout deadlines and cleaning requirements.... graduates float along on a cloud, remembering past times and dreading/dreaming of times to come....
so.. it's friday... just another friday... friday always comes... as does saturday and sunday.. and soon it'll be friday again... i'm in a mopey mood... if i actually felt like it, i could drive my car around, and load all this stuff in it easily... if i felt like it... but as soon as that happens, i'll be staying in a tomb... or a hospital, depending on how you see things... just my computer and a couple of books left to keep me company... sure, a couple of people are still here, but they'll be spending their day doing last min assignments, catching up with family, or saying goodbyes to friends... which leaves me... on my computer... staring at the boxes ready to go down and the dust in the corner... all because.. it's friday....
(0) comments
it's finally friday... exams are over.. the sky's bright blue... a few fluffy clouds.. beautiful sunshine... typical overly warm Texas weather... families all around campus helping people move....
it's... friday.... the walls are bare and lifeless... the halls are empty and begin to take on a spooky aura... the only thing that is in abundance (aside from the cars out in the circle and up and down the road) are the vast quantities of dirt and hairballs stubbornly clinging to everything immaginable.... shelves are empty.... refriegerators gape open like dead things with slowly spreading pools of frigid water forming at their bases.... those who've been moving creep along slowly, for the constant climbing and carrying and lifting have taken their toll.... those who aren't moving yet also creep along wishing those who'd left had stayed... families of 8 or 9 months are now broken as families of decades are reunited.... people scurry around trying to meet checkout deadlines and cleaning requirements.... graduates float along on a cloud, remembering past times and dreading/dreaming of times to come....
so.. it's friday... just another friday... friday always comes... as does saturday and sunday.. and soon it'll be friday again... i'm in a mopey mood... if i actually felt like it, i could drive my car around, and load all this stuff in it easily... if i felt like it... but as soon as that happens, i'll be staying in a tomb... or a hospital, depending on how you see things... just my computer and a couple of books left to keep me company... sure, a couple of people are still here, but they'll be spending their day doing last min assignments, catching up with family, or saying goodbyes to friends... which leaves me... on my computer... staring at the boxes ready to go down and the dust in the corner... all because.. it's friday....
Saturday, May 01, 2004
rain is amazing
it's pouring outside. i've been wearing soaking wet jeans for the past two hours. my nose is cold. my toes are numb. and i'm lovin every second of it.
i was the only person in saga for a few min. not many people are there at exactly 11. and i sat by myself at the 41 table staring out the window at the rain. i finally left after half an hour when it started getting too noisy in there. but my morning was still incredible.
i'd forgotten what it was like to imagine and to be creative. not the whole creative with sulfuric acid or arsenic or nerve gasses... not the whole imagine what it will be like when summer's over... and not any weird off the wall stuff i randomly come up with all the time.... but to truly sit and just imagine....
if i could, i would just stare at that one scene outside the window that i spent half an hour mesmerized by this morning... there are a couple of trees and some short flowers... some cement... puddles... grass.... nothing that out of the ordinary.... but in the ordinary, if you look at all, you can find the extrordinary..
there was a giant gnarled old oak tree whose branches leaned heavily over a gurgling stream full of reeds and teeming with fish....
a fairly large lake with land on two sides pushing back to form a circular pond in the center... and in that there was a small island with water lapping at its grassy shores... from that island, they set of fireworks, the reflections of which could be seen in the concentric circles that constantly appeared from the so-called raindrops...
there was a vast grassy plain, and then a great river, and on the other bank rose a grass covered mountain full of danger... bandits would hide at the ridge where the grenery ended and the rocky dirt began... a family lived in a grass house nestled up against one of the hills... a little girl wondered around in the fields of flowers... she'd been told not to wonder up to the bald spot... but.. there was a lone flower waving in the breexe.. it called to her... so what if from a distance it looked like all the others? it might be different.. and there was only one! she had to go... at the end of the long arduous trek up the mountain, she neared the flower, but before she could take it in her hands, she heard noises from the ridge....
there were shallow streams speckld with reeds where little children would sail there toy boats, endevoring to keep them from becoming trapped in the reedy clusters... the water was clear all the way down, and cool as can be for those out in the sun... it lapped soothingly at the shore as they played with their boats.. if it was any deeper, they could go swimming, but as it is, it's just the right depth for splashing...
water pooled behind the ground broken up by the old oak's roots.. the reservoir made the perfect swimming hole.. and at the edge of the pool, the water cascaded down the rocky cliff and then flowed back into the great river... which flowed toward the ocean.. where the great sailing ships are...
you could watch the formation of puddles, and of lakes, and of vast oceans, as the drops continuously fell onto the rocky porch outside the glass door... it was crystal clear, and deep.. just perfect for diving and swimming about... although this does make one wonder... if a holodeck is turned off while someone is mid-dive.. what happens?
so eventually i left saga, and walked back to gilbert... but by that time i'd sunk deeply back into the imagination i once had...
the water in the gutters by the sidewalks that suddenly dropped off into the drain became the stream i spent a week in this summer in tennessee... it gugrled and reminded me off cool afternoons... skipping rocks... wading out in the center and losing your ballance... of strange slimy things under the water that couldn't be seen, merely felt when the touched your submersed leg... of falling down a hill and thinking i was about to die... of splashing people... and watching helplessly while innumerable flipflops drifted away down stream twisting with the current.... of sunsets and sunrises and the songs of birds in the early hours of the morning.. of the gnats and mosquitoes and ants that kept us company... of the park accross the river and down another stream, where sand stuck to your wet feet, and where you couldn't play on the monkey bars, b/c you were two feet too tall... of a bridge that you could hang from and sit on your knees in the water at the same time.... of happiness....
this campus could be any child's dream if you think about it enough... grassy puddles are the best, b/c they're not muddy, they have clear water, they're cool to the touch, and they're always just deep enough... there's the weird thing in the sidewalk beside gilbert and the muddy hill... for all a kid could know, it might be a secret opening into a world of tunnels and mazes that runs under the campus... perhaps it leads to the bell tower... and maybe there's a phantom with a majic lasso... or maybe.. it's an openeing to a passgway full of buried treasure.. or a mummy's tomb...
why is it, that they can see that? when all we see, if we see it at all, is a muddy door to some wiring... or just a variation in the color of the sidewalk we must walk on to get to our room to do our homework and our projects, all of which were due yesterday... why are we in such a hurry to do something that in the long run doesn't matter and only makes us tired? why can't we just.. relax.. and pay attention to the world around us and all the worlds it contains...
it's entirely possible to spend a lifetime gazing at one scene like the one outside saga's glass wall... and it's entirely possible to write about that one scene for years upon years, with no two stories, or interpretations or perspectives being the same... every time you change your perspective, the landscape you're seeing changes...
and why are we "too old" to play in the rain and go puddle jumping? rain makes me hyper, and it makes me sleepy.. it makes me want to read a good mystey or watch an old movie.. but, even when i don't have a way to entertain myself, i could always look out the window... and stare at a puddle...
just... an ordinary puddle...
(0) comments
it's pouring outside. i've been wearing soaking wet jeans for the past two hours. my nose is cold. my toes are numb. and i'm lovin every second of it.
i was the only person in saga for a few min. not many people are there at exactly 11. and i sat by myself at the 41 table staring out the window at the rain. i finally left after half an hour when it started getting too noisy in there. but my morning was still incredible.
i'd forgotten what it was like to imagine and to be creative. not the whole creative with sulfuric acid or arsenic or nerve gasses... not the whole imagine what it will be like when summer's over... and not any weird off the wall stuff i randomly come up with all the time.... but to truly sit and just imagine....
if i could, i would just stare at that one scene outside the window that i spent half an hour mesmerized by this morning... there are a couple of trees and some short flowers... some cement... puddles... grass.... nothing that out of the ordinary.... but in the ordinary, if you look at all, you can find the extrordinary..
there was a giant gnarled old oak tree whose branches leaned heavily over a gurgling stream full of reeds and teeming with fish....
a fairly large lake with land on two sides pushing back to form a circular pond in the center... and in that there was a small island with water lapping at its grassy shores... from that island, they set of fireworks, the reflections of which could be seen in the concentric circles that constantly appeared from the so-called raindrops...
there was a vast grassy plain, and then a great river, and on the other bank rose a grass covered mountain full of danger... bandits would hide at the ridge where the grenery ended and the rocky dirt began... a family lived in a grass house nestled up against one of the hills... a little girl wondered around in the fields of flowers... she'd been told not to wonder up to the bald spot... but.. there was a lone flower waving in the breexe.. it called to her... so what if from a distance it looked like all the others? it might be different.. and there was only one! she had to go... at the end of the long arduous trek up the mountain, she neared the flower, but before she could take it in her hands, she heard noises from the ridge....
there were shallow streams speckld with reeds where little children would sail there toy boats, endevoring to keep them from becoming trapped in the reedy clusters... the water was clear all the way down, and cool as can be for those out in the sun... it lapped soothingly at the shore as they played with their boats.. if it was any deeper, they could go swimming, but as it is, it's just the right depth for splashing...
water pooled behind the ground broken up by the old oak's roots.. the reservoir made the perfect swimming hole.. and at the edge of the pool, the water cascaded down the rocky cliff and then flowed back into the great river... which flowed toward the ocean.. where the great sailing ships are...
you could watch the formation of puddles, and of lakes, and of vast oceans, as the drops continuously fell onto the rocky porch outside the glass door... it was crystal clear, and deep.. just perfect for diving and swimming about... although this does make one wonder... if a holodeck is turned off while someone is mid-dive.. what happens?
so eventually i left saga, and walked back to gilbert... but by that time i'd sunk deeply back into the imagination i once had...
the water in the gutters by the sidewalks that suddenly dropped off into the drain became the stream i spent a week in this summer in tennessee... it gugrled and reminded me off cool afternoons... skipping rocks... wading out in the center and losing your ballance... of strange slimy things under the water that couldn't be seen, merely felt when the touched your submersed leg... of falling down a hill and thinking i was about to die... of splashing people... and watching helplessly while innumerable flipflops drifted away down stream twisting with the current.... of sunsets and sunrises and the songs of birds in the early hours of the morning.. of the gnats and mosquitoes and ants that kept us company... of the park accross the river and down another stream, where sand stuck to your wet feet, and where you couldn't play on the monkey bars, b/c you were two feet too tall... of a bridge that you could hang from and sit on your knees in the water at the same time.... of happiness....
this campus could be any child's dream if you think about it enough... grassy puddles are the best, b/c they're not muddy, they have clear water, they're cool to the touch, and they're always just deep enough... there's the weird thing in the sidewalk beside gilbert and the muddy hill... for all a kid could know, it might be a secret opening into a world of tunnels and mazes that runs under the campus... perhaps it leads to the bell tower... and maybe there's a phantom with a majic lasso... or maybe.. it's an openeing to a passgway full of buried treasure.. or a mummy's tomb...
why is it, that they can see that? when all we see, if we see it at all, is a muddy door to some wiring... or just a variation in the color of the sidewalk we must walk on to get to our room to do our homework and our projects, all of which were due yesterday... why are we in such a hurry to do something that in the long run doesn't matter and only makes us tired? why can't we just.. relax.. and pay attention to the world around us and all the worlds it contains...
it's entirely possible to spend a lifetime gazing at one scene like the one outside saga's glass wall... and it's entirely possible to write about that one scene for years upon years, with no two stories, or interpretations or perspectives being the same... every time you change your perspective, the landscape you're seeing changes...
and why are we "too old" to play in the rain and go puddle jumping? rain makes me hyper, and it makes me sleepy.. it makes me want to read a good mystey or watch an old movie.. but, even when i don't have a way to entertain myself, i could always look out the window... and stare at a puddle...
just... an ordinary puddle...
