Wednesday, May 31, 2006
tis here! i'll put pics of it on facebook... and if you do'nt have that, i can email you some or drive where ever you are so you can see it :) it's purdy... my only problem is that i ran out of places to go rather quickly... most people are gone for the summer, and a lot of white oak people don't come back anymore... i'd go visit my roomie, but she's about to leave for vacation... so... any suggestions?
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Tuesday, May 30, 2006
i get my new car in 12 hours! happy lizards :-D
the air conditioner in mom's old car that i drove kept drinking freon but not cooling anything off, so i'm getting an early graduation present. and we're gonna go pick it up in the mornin! happy :-)
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the air conditioner in mom's old car that i drove kept drinking freon but not cooling anything off, so i'm getting an early graduation present. and we're gonna go pick it up in the mornin! happy :-)
Saturday, May 20, 2006
...i'm supposed to teach children's church in the morning... all about paul getting freed from jail and how God always answers our prayers, sometimes in surprising ways... ..and.. i don't know if i can teach that...
..i know in my head that it's true... and i can look back on most of my life, the past few months excluded, and see that... but at the same time, the books makes it sound like God always says "yes". but He doesn't. sometimes, He says no. people die. relationships are torn apart. and God says no.
what i don't get is when God says no, and you beg for understanding and beg for peace about it, if that's really what he wants, why he won't provide them... it seems like that's all i've done for a couple of months now... if this is really what God wants, then give me peace... help me understand... change my heart... anything... i'm more than willing to follow Him if He'd just show me that's where He wants me at and that's how He wants it to be... but it doesn't... He'll reassure other people... but not me... and i don't get it... and it hurts so much...
...before i go to bed at night, i beg.. so much... if He won't take these dreams away, then to at least let me have a dreamless sleep... but He doesn't... and it hurts so much... i just want to do what He wants me to do... i want to want what He wants... but... He doesn't give me peace... i get nothing but more pain... which part of me wonders if this isn't what He wants at all, but He seems to reassure everyone else that this is what He wants, which makes it seem like He's just ignoring me....
...and.. i know that's not right... i know in my head that somehow God is always there... but...right now... i don't see it... and... i don't know how i can teach this in the morning... .lsa..
.
...prayer would be nice....
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..i know in my head that it's true... and i can look back on most of my life, the past few months excluded, and see that... but at the same time, the books makes it sound like God always says "yes". but He doesn't. sometimes, He says no. people die. relationships are torn apart. and God says no.
what i don't get is when God says no, and you beg for understanding and beg for peace about it, if that's really what he wants, why he won't provide them... it seems like that's all i've done for a couple of months now... if this is really what God wants, then give me peace... help me understand... change my heart... anything... i'm more than willing to follow Him if He'd just show me that's where He wants me at and that's how He wants it to be... but it doesn't... He'll reassure other people... but not me... and i don't get it... and it hurts so much...
...before i go to bed at night, i beg.. so much... if He won't take these dreams away, then to at least let me have a dreamless sleep... but He doesn't... and it hurts so much... i just want to do what He wants me to do... i want to want what He wants... but... He doesn't give me peace... i get nothing but more pain... which part of me wonders if this isn't what He wants at all, but He seems to reassure everyone else that this is what He wants, which makes it seem like He's just ignoring me....
...and.. i know that's not right... i know in my head that somehow God is always there... but...right now... i don't see it... and... i don't know how i can teach this in the morning... .lsa..
.
...prayer would be nice....
Thursday, May 18, 2006
...could y'all pray for me..?
...tomorrow around 2 our time, i'm supposed to call my half-sister... who i've never met... never seen a picture from... never heard from... and who i know absolutely nothing about...
..she's 14 and wants to know her family now....
... this is akward...and... scary for me... i hate phones... and i don't like talking to strangers.. and... i know nothing about her... and... i don't know what to say...
...prayer would be nice...
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...tomorrow around 2 our time, i'm supposed to call my half-sister... who i've never met... never seen a picture from... never heard from... and who i know absolutely nothing about...
..she's 14 and wants to know her family now....
... this is akward...and... scary for me... i hate phones... and i don't like talking to strangers.. and... i know nothing about her... and... i don't know what to say...
...prayer would be nice...
Thursday, May 11, 2006
...i feel like staying up all night and looking at pictures and listening to old voice mail messages, esp the random ones at 3 am when he randomly woke up...
...i don't understand why life has to hurt so much...
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...i don't understand why life has to hurt so much...
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
...could you pray for my grandpa? ..he's in the hospital and not expected to live through the night...
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