The world needs more chocolate

i desperately needed to get my mind off of some stuff... and i couldn't focus on hw... so i did this instead... for a few hours... i'm finally quitting long enough to get my projects done, but i may come back to it later... it helps... although, it's still not the easiest thing in the world to do...

Random Things that Make Me Happy

1. typewriters
2. paperclips
3. playdoh
4. silly putty
5. silly string
6. sunsets
7. stars
8. sunrises (if I’ve slept the night before)
9. fuzzy socks
10. fuzzy blankets
11. flannel pajamas
12. hot chocolate
13. smoked turkey
14. cheeseball
15. writing super long thoughtful blog posts, which I haven’t done in a very long time
16. singing in the stairwell
17. marshmallow fights in the kitchen
18. smores
19. hot buttery popcorn w/ m&ms
20. Russell Stover’s coconut things… so yummy
21. dark chocolate
22. mint chocolate icecream
23. cheese
24. homemade bread
25. ice cold milk
26. sweet tea
27. cold fazolis breadsticks late at night
28. socks and wooden/tile floors, and enough space to play
29. sitting in a hammock outside in the shade under the pine trees, listening to everything and reading for hours
30. sitting on a swing in the twilight singing every song I’ve ever learned
31. the smell of my grandparent’s coffee
32. my room at home, when it’s clean, and the blinds are open, and there’s soft music playing, and my happy baked apples candles burning, and I’m sitting in my chair w/ a pillow reading…
33. did I mention reading in general yet?
34. fireplaces
35. snow… or at least the idea of snow
36. outsmarting my evil computer
37. organizing!
38. IM (although, that’s b/c it combines two incredible things… talking w/ people and is an outlet for my input/packratness)
39. laughing so hard w/ friends that we can’t even sit up off the floor
40. watching silent Hitchcock movies and making up dialog and story lines
41. beating my mom at uno (one of the few games I have consistently won since I was 2)
42. coloring pictures while watching shows off of TV land (like MacGyver)
43. collecting large amounts of multi-colored duct tape for mi madre
44. the smell of brownies
45. taking pictures of scenery (they may not be any good, but I enjoy it)
46. drafting
47. listening to music
48. being in band
49. marching
50. playing at the Myerson
51. listening to concerts at the Myerson
52. being in the middle of the sound, and literally feeling the music swirl around me and over me… it’s amazing.. .yet another reason why I miss band…
53. the many different beautiful shades of blue, the most amazing color ever
54. yellow roses
55. falling asleep in the afternoon on the couch in front of the living room windows, when it’s perfectly quiet and all warm and happy…
56. watching movies w/ 2 or 3 friends in a completely empty movie theatre
57. mocking stupid movies w/ a large group of 41/g2 people
58. throwing marshmallows at cars
59. drawing on mirrors w/ dry erase markers
60. mint chocolate Hershey kisses
61. email
62. real, actual, handwritten letters
63. listening to Bing Crosby
64. the internet’s amazing capacity to feed, somewhat unhealthily, my input/learner fetishes
65. playing dumb computer games, like chip’s challenge
66. the cat from outerspace!!!
67. giant feather fans, light blue, of course
68. White Christmas
69. the smell of leather
70. the smell of sawdust
71. water… not drinking it!! Just looking at it… it’s beautiful.. and just really.. captivating… I’m pathetic, I guess, but I could sit and stare at water and play w/ it forever.
72. playing with flour. It’s the coolest feeling thing ever!
73. playing with dirt
74. sand volleyball
75. playing flag football! i never thought before I came here that I would ever even consider saying that…
76. having a purring cat fall asleep on my feet
77. hugging my aunt and uncles dogs
78. fields of bluebonnets in west texas
79. Texas, in general
    
80. hugs from little kids
81. playing pranks on my roommate!
82. playing pranks on other people
83. teasing friends
84. winning arguments/debates
85. just being in more academic type arguments, but not structured enough to be called debates… i.e. – model UN and just defending my opinion in general
86. arguing with quasi-logic
87. jumping in puddles
88. listening to rain
89. watching clouds for hours on end
90. coming up w/ philosophical connections to the clouds (as seen in long blog posts from a while ago)
91. sidewalk chalking in the middle of the night when it’s freezing cold
92. clowning
93. being in plays
94. singing southern gospel w/ my mom
95. singing very very loudly and shocking people who had no clue
96. freaking Ranita out w/ my wonderful ET impersonations
97. watching old tv shows
98. logic games/puzzles
99. algebra
100. calculus
101. listening to pirates of the carribean while I drive in semi-heavy traffic, b/c it makes me feel like I’m on a mission
102. playing alto and bass flutes
103. blowing bubbles in the middle of the night outside instead of doing hw
104. coming up w/ weird away messages
105. bubble paper!!!!
106. playing w/ fire
107. avoiding sushi
108. beaches
109. writing long letters that nobody’s ever going to read….
110. day dreaming
111. singin in the rain
112. watching squirrels play
113. sitting on wooden piers out in an empty lake, reading and listening to the water
114. shoes that don’t make my feet look humongous
115. flip flops
116. air conditioning
117. wireless and a working laptop that get me through my classes!
118. old trees
119. being in a place where I have the opportunity to take Bible classes
120. dorm life
121. the community that is LeTourneau
122. traditions
123. singing the Alma Mater on school busses on the way back to White Oak… it’s been a while, but that was always a good feeling, even if everybody else thought it was cheesy
124. simplifying things
125. defending people I care about
126. making stained glass
127. playing my flute
128. sleep!!!! At least, most of the time… when it doesn’t involve awful dreams…
129. playing tag
130. sarcastic banter
131. randomly running around the building at 2am in a Who-ish costume involving short sleeves, capris, and flip flops, when it’s 18 degrees outside
132. wooden floors
133. libraries
134. living vicariously through other peoples journeys
135. turning up All I Want for Christmas super loud and singing at the top of my lungs w/ ahdrhen
136. watchin the Goodbye Earl video w/ sr, erin, and angela over and over and over and then singing for hours later about how earl had to die
137. writing in general
138. old book smell
139. blue ink, unless I’m in a pencil, black ink, red ink, or green ink mood
140. throwing away stuff at work
141. flowy skirts
142. all the flowers that are technically weeds
143. actually knowing enough to help people sometimes when they need it
144. paper. So I’m strange, but just playing w/ paper makes me happy
145. comics
146. playing board games
147. lost in space!
148. pretender
149. curling up in my closet and reading for hours (long story)
150. toe socks
151. calligraphy
152. fresh flour tortillas and lots of butter
153. getting up in the mornings and talking to sr’s mom for a few hours before everybody else gets up for lunch
154. people in general
155. name tags
156. canned armadillo
157. having giant paper snowflakes hanging in my room
158. torturing stuffed sheep and baby dolls
159. when people come back after breaks
160. inside jokes
161. hugs
162. lifesaver wintogreen mints
163. dusting… I think I’m strange…
164. sunshine
165. daffodils
166. lasagna
167. getting pictures from kids
168. The Three Billy Goats Gruff
169. mysteries
170. being sneaky
171. encouraging people
172. helping people
173. distracting people, when they need it
174. being silly so people have something to laugh at and smile about
175. listening to stories about people’s lives
176. old movies
177. Arsenic and Old Lace
178. space
179. floor space
180. open windows
181. being reminded that God loves me
182. friends….
183. road trips
184. making pet rocks which really is an art, if you do it right and look for the face that’s already in the rock
185. coming up with elaborate explanations for everything
186. truffles of the happy chocolate persuasion
187. chocolate chip granola bars
188. oatmeal full of enough sugar to make it crunchy and with lots of grape jelly
189. old Saturday morning cartoons… back when they were good….
190. finding/creating the *perfect* gift for someone…
191. surprising people
192. double dark chocolate icecream in a waffle cone bowl
193. squirrel monkeys
194. watching otters swim
195. being around people
196. trampolines
197. wandering around the woods on my grandparents’ farm
198. sleeping while it’s raining
199. reading when it’s raining
200. wireless doorbells
201. blowing things up
202. chemistry
203. psychology
204. sociology
205. studying the brain
206. ironing… not clothes though. Ironing my curtains at home… it’s very relaxing…
207. knowing old songs that nobody’s ever heard of
208. sticky notes
209. red leaves
210. the smell of crayons….
211. dinner mints that they have at weddings
212. avoiding hw
213. talking w/ erin in our weird russian/arabic/whatever it is accents
214. sock puppets!
     

yesterday, we went back to our placements that we'll be in for the first half of our student teaching... there wasn't much to do, so i worked on another project and took random notes, generally more of a talking to myself than observing much... this is part of what i wrote:

Why do I want to teach? and where? Public or private schools? If I teach at a Christian school, it's definately a better and more supportive environment, and has smaller classes, no state exam, etc. But at the same time, that feels like giving up. I grew up in public school. I can handle being at a public school... I don't want to teach forever. I want to go back and get degrees in other things. I'm smart enough. But while I do teach, should I teach in a safer environment, where I can be freer to teach how I want to and to be open about my faith? Or should I teach in a public school? Places that need good Christian teachers... and full of students that need someone to teach them creativity and organization and responsibility and most of all to let them know that they are loved. That's what I always come back to. The only reply I can ever think of when asked why teach... because someone needs to show these kids LOVE. Maybe being a teacher isn't the best avenue for that. Mom still thinks I'd make a great lawyer (yet, when that's what I wanted, she said she'd go around w/ a bag over her head ). And Teresa's the one that brought up using that to be a child advocate. That's needed too. But at the same time, that's just stepping in for the kids, not spending a year with them, day in and day out. Although, if I wanted to do that, I could have my bachelor's in EC-4, master's in psych/social work (maybe 2 different ones?), and a PhD in law... I could be the first one in my family to have a doctorate (i think)... That sounds scary.. but at the same time, even though no one's ever pushed that, it feels expected. Then again, I always tend to perceive expectations or higher expectations even when there are none.. I want to make people happy too much.. I need expectations, but at the same time, they're too overwhelming... I tend to turn it into my responsibility to meet them, regardless of whether or not it's something I need. sometimes to where i can't tell the difference between them.. sigh...

after that, i started drawing floor plans for my ideal classroom.. i miss drafting and drawing floor plans and such.. so i came back and did that some more and then starting researching architecture degrees online, and how hard it would be to get a master's in that... it would be easier to just teach for a while and eventually get certified to teach secondary lit and calculus... and all of that completely ignores the fact that i would be thrilled if i could just spend the rest of my life playing music for movies (and maybe a little singing now and then)... sigh. i know none of this is new.. i guess i figure if i just keep talking about it, it'll automatically fix itself. and since there's nobody around to talk to, and i'm very tired of talking to myself, i can at least pretend that i'm talking to people if i post it on here...

i drove all the way to walmart today, just to walk around for 5 min and come back... somehow, it's not as fun alone.. i'm so bored. i have lots of hw, but i want to do something else... i miss freshmen year.. and random trips to walmart w/ people.. especially the ones at all hours of the night/morning.. random trips to whataburger... sporadic movie nights.. strange games of spoons involving weird hats and lollypops... having *real* conversations on IM all the time... having bizzare sleep-deprived and caffiene induced conversations at 4am... i miss constanly being around people and always w/ something to do.. i got used to random trips to walmart and for food.. and i don't get those opportunities much anymore, when i'm used to it on a regular basis.. and i start going stir crazy and go into people withdrawls... and end up what i'm doing now... reading IM conversations from freshmen year instead of doing hw...

...i had to watch a baby bird die today...