Saturday, October 30, 2004
sigh...
what's the difference between optimism and realism? and is cynicism really so different?
i wish i knew... i can't tell... the world is so confusing...
the way my life goes, i above all, should be nothing but pessimistic... yet for reasons unknown, i can only see life, as annoyingly hopeful at best...
i see life for what it is... i'm not blind like some people think... and life itself is depressing.... yet i still see hope, and joy and peace, just enough to drive myself crazy...
i don't trust where i should.... and too much where i shouldn't... i can't seem to find the right balance...
and the good that i find, time after time, will only end up hurting....
why can't i see, what it's doing to me? why do i keep on believing... and searching for the best.. why can't i rest, and just let my life fall apart....
i keep torturing myself, finding hope in despair, just enough to hang myself later....
no matter what i believe, there are those who agree, and those who treat me as crazy....
why can't they all agree... they're not helping me... i wish they could make a decision...
i rely on them, those i call friend, to keep me from deluding myself...
but when they conflict, what do i do... but believe both sides at once..
i'm an input type person, a packrat of sorts, who collects both knick-knacks and knowledge...
i can see every side... and the benefits of each... and they're all equally important...
i can't make decisions, because of that curse, and in this case it only compounds..
why do i see, what's happening to me, and choose to believe something different?
because i have hope... that's all i've got now... and it's what so often hurts me...
if i could just see one side, the negative one, life would somehow seem free...
i can see it well enough, i've had enough practice, now if only it'd stay...
i'm not blind as a bat, nor an ignorant fool, yet some look upon me as such...
i'm not a hopeless daydreamer, who sees pots of gold, where happiness is the only end....
so why do i hang on, despite all the odds, why do i keep on believing...
and why do i ask, and why do i analyze and why can't i just stop thinking....
pick one or the other... i wish i just could... it would make my life oh so much nicer....
but alas, i cannot.... it won't ever stop... i'll forever drive myself insane...
for it is my lot... to be overwrought, and weighed down by these so called silver linings...
and when they tarnish, as they invariably do, i can do naught but pick up the polish...
and spend my time working, day after day, to bring back their blinding brilliance....
(0) comments
what's the difference between optimism and realism? and is cynicism really so different?
i wish i knew... i can't tell... the world is so confusing...
the way my life goes, i above all, should be nothing but pessimistic... yet for reasons unknown, i can only see life, as annoyingly hopeful at best...
i see life for what it is... i'm not blind like some people think... and life itself is depressing.... yet i still see hope, and joy and peace, just enough to drive myself crazy...
i don't trust where i should.... and too much where i shouldn't... i can't seem to find the right balance...
and the good that i find, time after time, will only end up hurting....
why can't i see, what it's doing to me? why do i keep on believing... and searching for the best.. why can't i rest, and just let my life fall apart....
i keep torturing myself, finding hope in despair, just enough to hang myself later....
no matter what i believe, there are those who agree, and those who treat me as crazy....
why can't they all agree... they're not helping me... i wish they could make a decision...
i rely on them, those i call friend, to keep me from deluding myself...
but when they conflict, what do i do... but believe both sides at once..
i'm an input type person, a packrat of sorts, who collects both knick-knacks and knowledge...
i can see every side... and the benefits of each... and they're all equally important...
i can't make decisions, because of that curse, and in this case it only compounds..
why do i see, what's happening to me, and choose to believe something different?
because i have hope... that's all i've got now... and it's what so often hurts me...
if i could just see one side, the negative one, life would somehow seem free...
i can see it well enough, i've had enough practice, now if only it'd stay...
i'm not blind as a bat, nor an ignorant fool, yet some look upon me as such...
i'm not a hopeless daydreamer, who sees pots of gold, where happiness is the only end....
so why do i hang on, despite all the odds, why do i keep on believing...
and why do i ask, and why do i analyze and why can't i just stop thinking....
pick one or the other... i wish i just could... it would make my life oh so much nicer....
but alas, i cannot.... it won't ever stop... i'll forever drive myself insane...
for it is my lot... to be overwrought, and weighed down by these so called silver linings...
and when they tarnish, as they invariably do, i can do naught but pick up the polish...
and spend my time working, day after day, to bring back their blinding brilliance....
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
arg... so finding out about major projects 12 hours before they're due is not fun.... amoung all the other homework i have to do tonight, now i have to write 8 poems for my creative writing class.. yeah, i'm gettin no sleep tonight.... i know i said i'd post my testimony next, but i havent' had time to finsih it.. i'm workin on it, but it's gonna take a lot longer than i thought.... anyway, this is one of my 8... it still needs a lot of work, but it's a post
Who?
Who are you?
they often ask me.
A question not really meant
With an answer not really heard.
Who am I?
I often ask me.
A question desperately asked
With an answer never quite found.
Hey, aren't you the flute player
That plays at that church?
You know, the girl always on stage?
What church and where
They can't always tell me,
But they sure do insist i was there.
On stage week after week
And month after month
And they actually notice when I'm gone.
People I don't know
Ask me what's wrong
More attentive to that than my name.
The girl at that church
You know the one I mean.
Flute player has apparently become my name.
Who are you?
They seek,
but the answer's too meek,
for I'm often unsure myself.
You're Brenda's daughter!
You must be,
For your picture's all over her wall.
There's no denying it now.
You must be the imp,
The one she's branded as lizard
Where I go
This they will know
I cannot possibly escape.
I have but one hope
That by the next Vote[1]
She's Lizard's mom, Brenda, instead.
Who are you?
They nag.
How should I know?
I've often wondered myself.
Of birth-order, I'm unsure.
The water's unclear
For those, both youngest and oldest.
Add in only and middle
You've got quite a riddle
And I suppose that riddle is me.
Abandoned by a father,
Raised by a mother,
I started out "normal" enough.
Chased out by a drunk
When the going got rough,
I hid in the shadows at night.
My one true friend
Faithful to the end
Was a giant teddy bear named Cakey
When she married again
I thought the troubles would end
Oh, how naïve could a five year old be?
At first it was great
But at a later date
I finally discovered the truth.
Fighting and screaming ?
What's the point dreaming,
When I'd only dream about that?
He left once again,
The marriage at an end,
Emotions like a glass that had shattered.
But we picked ourselves up
With help from Above
And together we live still today.
I've lived through so much
Yet at times it's so little
Compared to what others face.
Instead of constant depression
I hold a chocolate session
And eat my tear drops away.
Such a happy young girl
With her head in the clouds
Hopelessly optimistic, they say.
If only they knew
The hell I'd been through
But how could they guess what it is?
They'll never know
'cause I'll never tell.
Why should I depress them so much?
And if they should pry
And stumble into the truth
One laugh and it's quickly forgotten.
Who are you?
They often jeer
Like it's something I'd volunteer.
Maybe I don't want to know.
Are you furniture perhaps?
A well trod doormat?
Now that is something I'll never be.
I don't seek to offend
And I try to bring peace
But I'll never be as one walked upon.
I'm too outspoken,
Stubborn, and obstinate
To ever allow that to happen.
Then what would you be?
A table or a settee?
Or maybe a leather bound book?
I am a beanbag pillow,
You ought to know,
As ridiculous as it happens to sound.
I'm soft to the touch,
Longing for hugs,
Calling to others to come.
Yet when they arrive
And sink into my arms
No helpless pillow they find.
My stuffing though soft,
Is supportively strong
And just as stubborn as I.
Color's important
As in any decoration,
But mine are split drastically.
I'm not orange and green
Or any such thing
So ridiculously bland.
My colors run deeper,
Stronger, and sweeter
Than your average Crayola brand.
I'm split equally
As is often the key
To mixing such strong components.
One side mischief,
One side compassion,
And your bean bag pillow's complete.
The tiny pieces of my stuffing
Are broken like the shards of my life
Yet few razor sharp edges exist.
The sands of time
And the grace of God
Have worked long and hard on me.
Their winds and waters
Have turned my shards
Into a comforting tool.
So if I'm furniture
And a pillow at that
My identity appears to be set.
Who are you?
They pry.
If only I could lie,
And make up a truly grand story.
I'm everyone's friend,
True to the end,
Yet reality couldn't be farther.
I try so hard
Yet often find
My efforts failing fast.
I rush to compare
To others I'm near.
The results are depressing at best.
I'm a glorified relay,
A human answering machine,
The one they all go to to ask.
Everyone knows me
And knows where I am.
Now, if only they found me for me.
Somewhere inside,
I know it's not true.
I have several real friends who care.
But it seems that at times,
This relay station of mine
Is more depressing than flattering.
Some say I'm this,
Others say that,
And some are completely random.
Without my knowledge,
I've become
The girl who never wears shoes.
I really do,
But I guess to that friend,
Flip-flops just aren't important.
I'm a Texan,
Tried and true.
I want yellow roses at my funeral.
I remember the Alamo
And recite the pledge
And tell of our "nation's" grand tales.
I'm an American
Through God's infinite grace
And of this land I do sing.
I'm just as loyal
To that Grand Ol' Flag
As I am to my home state.
With red curly hair
And grease paint on bright,
I'm Rosie the clown on occasion.
I laugh and I fall
And make fun of them all
Smiling so hard it hurts.
I'm a thirteen year Roughneck,
A proud White Oak grad,
Something I'll never forget.
My blood runs maroon
Or at least it used to
And even now it remembers.
I'm a LeTourneau sophomore,
A junior not quite,
Who lives on caffeine, not sleep.
The Alabamian's roommate,
A member of Suite C,
And starter of an infamous prank war.
But none of those things
Describe all of me
And none of them answer the question.
Who am I, dear Lord?
I beg you,
Do tell.
I've waited my whole life to know.
Why couldn't I see
What was staring at me?
Well now, thanks to you, I have found it.
Through Your Son's blood
And Your unfathomable love,
I am safe, I am found, I am free.
My question is answered,
My identity secure
I thank you Lord, for I am yours.
[1] The next presidential election four years from now, which should be after I graduate from LU.
(0) comments
Who?
Who are you?
they often ask me.
A question not really meant
With an answer not really heard.
Who am I?
I often ask me.
A question desperately asked
With an answer never quite found.
Hey, aren't you the flute player
That plays at that church?
You know, the girl always on stage?
What church and where
They can't always tell me,
But they sure do insist i was there.
On stage week after week
And month after month
And they actually notice when I'm gone.
People I don't know
Ask me what's wrong
More attentive to that than my name.
The girl at that church
You know the one I mean.
Flute player has apparently become my name.
Who are you?
They seek,
but the answer's too meek,
for I'm often unsure myself.
You're Brenda's daughter!
You must be,
For your picture's all over her wall.
There's no denying it now.
You must be the imp,
The one she's branded as lizard
Where I go
This they will know
I cannot possibly escape.
I have but one hope
That by the next Vote[1]
She's Lizard's mom, Brenda, instead.
Who are you?
They nag.
How should I know?
I've often wondered myself.
Of birth-order, I'm unsure.
The water's unclear
For those, both youngest and oldest.
Add in only and middle
You've got quite a riddle
And I suppose that riddle is me.
Abandoned by a father,
Raised by a mother,
I started out "normal" enough.
Chased out by a drunk
When the going got rough,
I hid in the shadows at night.
My one true friend
Faithful to the end
Was a giant teddy bear named Cakey
When she married again
I thought the troubles would end
Oh, how naïve could a five year old be?
At first it was great
But at a later date
I finally discovered the truth.
Fighting and screaming ?
What's the point dreaming,
When I'd only dream about that?
He left once again,
The marriage at an end,
Emotions like a glass that had shattered.
But we picked ourselves up
With help from Above
And together we live still today.
I've lived through so much
Yet at times it's so little
Compared to what others face.
Instead of constant depression
I hold a chocolate session
And eat my tear drops away.
Such a happy young girl
With her head in the clouds
Hopelessly optimistic, they say.
If only they knew
The hell I'd been through
But how could they guess what it is?
They'll never know
'cause I'll never tell.
Why should I depress them so much?
And if they should pry
And stumble into the truth
One laugh and it's quickly forgotten.
Who are you?
They often jeer
Like it's something I'd volunteer.
Maybe I don't want to know.
Are you furniture perhaps?
A well trod doormat?
Now that is something I'll never be.
I don't seek to offend
And I try to bring peace
But I'll never be as one walked upon.
I'm too outspoken,
Stubborn, and obstinate
To ever allow that to happen.
Then what would you be?
A table or a settee?
Or maybe a leather bound book?
I am a beanbag pillow,
You ought to know,
As ridiculous as it happens to sound.
I'm soft to the touch,
Longing for hugs,
Calling to others to come.
Yet when they arrive
And sink into my arms
No helpless pillow they find.
My stuffing though soft,
Is supportively strong
And just as stubborn as I.
Color's important
As in any decoration,
But mine are split drastically.
I'm not orange and green
Or any such thing
So ridiculously bland.
My colors run deeper,
Stronger, and sweeter
Than your average Crayola brand.
I'm split equally
As is often the key
To mixing such strong components.
One side mischief,
One side compassion,
And your bean bag pillow's complete.
The tiny pieces of my stuffing
Are broken like the shards of my life
Yet few razor sharp edges exist.
The sands of time
And the grace of God
Have worked long and hard on me.
Their winds and waters
Have turned my shards
Into a comforting tool.
So if I'm furniture
And a pillow at that
My identity appears to be set.
Who are you?
They pry.
If only I could lie,
And make up a truly grand story.
I'm everyone's friend,
True to the end,
Yet reality couldn't be farther.
I try so hard
Yet often find
My efforts failing fast.
I rush to compare
To others I'm near.
The results are depressing at best.
I'm a glorified relay,
A human answering machine,
The one they all go to to ask.
Everyone knows me
And knows where I am.
Now, if only they found me for me.
Somewhere inside,
I know it's not true.
I have several real friends who care.
But it seems that at times,
This relay station of mine
Is more depressing than flattering.
Some say I'm this,
Others say that,
And some are completely random.
Without my knowledge,
I've become
The girl who never wears shoes.
I really do,
But I guess to that friend,
Flip-flops just aren't important.
I'm a Texan,
Tried and true.
I want yellow roses at my funeral.
I remember the Alamo
And recite the pledge
And tell of our "nation's" grand tales.
I'm an American
Through God's infinite grace
And of this land I do sing.
I'm just as loyal
To that Grand Ol' Flag
As I am to my home state.
With red curly hair
And grease paint on bright,
I'm Rosie the clown on occasion.
I laugh and I fall
And make fun of them all
Smiling so hard it hurts.
I'm a thirteen year Roughneck,
A proud White Oak grad,
Something I'll never forget.
My blood runs maroon
Or at least it used to
And even now it remembers.
I'm a LeTourneau sophomore,
A junior not quite,
Who lives on caffeine, not sleep.
The Alabamian's roommate,
A member of Suite C,
And starter of an infamous prank war.
But none of those things
Describe all of me
And none of them answer the question.
Who am I, dear Lord?
I beg you,
Do tell.
I've waited my whole life to know.
Why couldn't I see
What was staring at me?
Well now, thanks to you, I have found it.
Through Your Son's blood
And Your unfathomable love,
I am safe, I am found, I am free.
My question is answered,
My identity secure
I thank you Lord, for I am yours.
[1] The next presidential election four years from now, which should be after I graduate from LU.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
this week i did something i haven't ever done as far as i remember... i sat down and deliberatly tried to remember something that happened to me when i was 4... a certain experience that i hope no kid ever has to go through... but i forced myself to relive it as much as possible... i was at work that afternoon and just felt very strongly that i shoulld write it down... occasionally i thought about it, but only as cold fact... this happened. deal with it.. it didn't really impact your life... .but as i sat down and wrote about it, i remembered more and more things and i started drawing parallels to habits and certain thought patterns i have now... i think i can trace several of them back to that event.... it's strange... but no matter how much i can "blame" on that, i realize, very thankfully, how much God protected me from, both then and now... there are so many character traits of children that go through experiences like that and others that i've gone through, that i don't have... only by the grace of God go i... if it weren't for Him, i wouldn't be here at LU, i wouldn't be the "nice upstanding citzen" that i am :-P , i would have many psychological problems... the list goes on and on of what i should have, but i don't.. and that's God..
that's probably 6 pages of the saddest stuff i've ever written... and it's not done... there's more to the story, but i was too emotionally/mentally/spiritually/physically drained to write more... hopefully i'll feel up to finishing it later...
so anyway.. this has been yet another week..... but tonight at Bible study (i'm goin through the Experiencing God study with my roomie at her church on sunday nights) they talked about testimonies... and at church this morning, three elders gave their testimonies... and at sr's church this morning apparently several people gave their testimonies... and as i sat there tonight, i thought i should try and write mine out at some point... it used to be that i didn't think i had much of one... i grew up, not necessarily in a "Christian" home, by the conventional definition, but my mom, the one consistent thing in my life, was a Christian... i was saved when i was 7 in children's church... i haven't had anything dramatic in my life.... or so i thought.... but, then last year, i realized that i do have a testimony... there's no way i could be the way i am right now w/o God....
so anyway, all that's to say, that hopefully at some point during the next few hours or day or so, i'll sit and think through my life and write out my testimony and post it here when it's done... just b/c i feel like i need to.. so i will...
and while i do that, the verse for last week was Luke 14:33
"Any of you who does not give up everything he has, cannot be my disciple."
(0) comments
that's probably 6 pages of the saddest stuff i've ever written... and it's not done... there's more to the story, but i was too emotionally/mentally/spiritually/physically drained to write more... hopefully i'll feel up to finishing it later...
so anyway.. this has been yet another week..... but tonight at Bible study (i'm goin through the Experiencing God study with my roomie at her church on sunday nights) they talked about testimonies... and at church this morning, three elders gave their testimonies... and at sr's church this morning apparently several people gave their testimonies... and as i sat there tonight, i thought i should try and write mine out at some point... it used to be that i didn't think i had much of one... i grew up, not necessarily in a "Christian" home, by the conventional definition, but my mom, the one consistent thing in my life, was a Christian... i was saved when i was 7 in children's church... i haven't had anything dramatic in my life.... or so i thought.... but, then last year, i realized that i do have a testimony... there's no way i could be the way i am right now w/o God....
so anyway, all that's to say, that hopefully at some point during the next few hours or day or so, i'll sit and think through my life and write out my testimony and post it here when it's done... just b/c i feel like i need to.. so i will...
and while i do that, the verse for last week was Luke 14:33
"Any of you who does not give up everything he has, cannot be my disciple."
Sunday, October 10, 2004
what a week.... where to begin?
First of all, I think I'd like to explain why I came to LU. I didn't come for the academics - that was secondary or tertiary... That did play a role though. They have one of the best education programs in the state, and according to Harvard, they have the best pre-law program around. But, that's not why I came.... I didn't come b/c of money either. Yes, I get a free ride, tuition wise, but that's all. I don't get room and board or books. If I'd gone to a state school anywhere, I could've gotten scholorships to cover that automatically for being valedictorian... I don't care about the money... I came to LU simply because I wanted the environment. I needed to be immersed in a Christian society. I needed the chapels and the class devos and the Bible classes. I spent 13 years in (a largely conservative, Christian) public school. I had friends who'd been taking Bible classes their whole lives. I wanted the chance to be able to learn, to fellowship. And I found it.
One of the amazing aspects of LU is the people. They're wonderful. I have so many friends all over the place, including my roommate and my suitemate who are my sisters, regardless of what their birth certificates might say. For me, being an only child, living at home w/ just my mom, and in the community I grew up in, I never had many guy friends, and the ones I did have weren't that close. Yes, they were great friends, but even those were in the last year or two of hs. But here, the ratio (3:1) is such that you have to be friends with guys. It's not a weird thing. It's necessary unless you're going to be an antisocial hermit. And it's great! I have so many wonderful friends on this campus, and at least half, if not more, are guys. Which brings me to the next topic.... Fall Fest...
Fall Fest (for non-LU people, it's like a week long homecoming thing, where each floor elects a king or queen and then spends the week campaigning for them in costumes and with props and such) was a disaster. I spent 3+ hours two of the nights chalking (ie- covering sidewalks all over campus w/ messages telling people to vote for Igloo)... I'd had no sleep.... way too much homework... intramural volleyball started up... projects.... and then extra fall fest responsibilities on top of all that mess (flyers, monarch, props, costumes, camera capers, air band, etc)..... I was a wreck.... Wednesday in particular was awful.... It was supposed to be Honor Your Monarch Day, where floors go around in costume doing special things for their monarch in a way that attracts attention, causing people to remember your monarch and, consequently, vote for them later.... So around 4am, some stupid people break onto 41 (my brother floor - another amazingly neat concept here) and steal all their costumes and props (a not so amazing concept)... this means they can't finish their Camera Capers (a slide show of pics they've taken of people in costume telling a story) and it makes it harder to honor their monarch (kelly, a girl off my floor - G2)... but the stupid people didn't get the gigantic trojan horse that 41 built for kelly to ride around all week. that has to be the best fall fest prop i have ever seen... but anwya, so they're all ticked off about that.... (not to mention that it's been raining all week and this is the first fully sunny day, so all costumes could be used).... so that afternoon, kelly gets "kidnapped" from class..... causing a general riot.... some of us g2ers were leaving our dorm to go escort our king, Igloo, from his lab and this huge flood of guys in yellow shirts comes pouring out of their building to start searching..... (she did show up..... several hours later...) so they missed being able to do the honor your monarch stuff...... and then (like there could possibly be more) our floor has a (fake) snowball fight out in front of SAGA (the dining hall)... at the end the LAS pledgers come over and start running off w/ our igloo that we built to carry around all week.... we're chasing them, the 41ers who were out there are chasing them, and everybody's in a generally homicidal mood.... so the security guard takes one of em out and in the process the igloo is demolished..... stupid LAS.... but anyway, they get griped out... it's a great story if you ever wanna hear it... and i stay over there and gripe them out some more.... and glare at the people that put them up to it, b/c pledgers never do anything on their own..... arg....
so that was a really rotten day.... up to that point... and then 41 decides to take G2 out for icecream at Shake's, which they talked into stayin open late for us... :) we must've spent a good two hours there at least... i had the best time i'd had in a looong time... it was a great stress reliever... but one of the neatest parts of the ngiht (aside form the fact that i have the absolute coolest brother floor on campus), was what we did for them.... i talked everybody into wearin their 41 shirts or at least bright yellow shirts.... so then we get out in the hall and the ones w/o 41 shirts made duct tape 41s... i love my floor! they're so great :) we just wanted some way to make the 41ers smile.. i think it worked :)
have i mentioned that i have the absolute greatest brother floor ever? when our igloo was stolen, it reminded me of some of their character traits... they care as much if not more for G2's stuff than their own, to the point that after the fact when guys were hearing about it, they were saying how much they wished they were there so they could've done stuff to the LAS people... of course part of that may have been the fact that they were all mad from earlier and just needed someone to take it out on.... but, i'll stick w/ my version which highlights loyalty and dedication and... stuff, over revenge :P after supper was over, the LAS guys didn't want to leave SAGA b/c they'd have to walk past this huge group of 41ers still outside talkin to security :) for all their mocking of 41, they sure are scared of em :P which is another great reason to be on G2 - nobody'll mess w/ you, b/c of 41 :)
it really annoys me when people make fun of people they don't even know.... in sunday school today, i was entertaining people w/ stories of the lovely redecorating job we did on my roomie's half of the room while she was gone this weekend... and i mentioned 41 helped, and these guys behind me start making jokes that they just put computers all over the place... stupid people... like they know anything.... arg... but anwya, contrary to popular belief, 41ers are the nicest, most generous, creative, fun, helpful, and all around wonderful guys on campus... so what if they like computers? that's not a bad thing... so anyway, off my lil tangent, i went to church tonight, and deliberatley wore my 41 shirt and sat in front of those guys.... they gave me a kinda strange look but didn't really say much all night :P stupid people....
one thing we did to sarah ruth's stuff, is we took all the clothes out of her closet and filled it w/ 41 shirts (i think w/ a grand total of 64)... the neat thing about 41 is that, i just had to ask, and the next thing i know i have all those shirts, generally considered "sacred" (although, 2/3 of them were dirty and i got them after i promissed to wash them, but that's beside the point :P ) if i'd asked for clean ones, i have no doubt that they would've washed them all for me... they're just those kind of people.... and we have the greatest brother/sister floor relationship... it's really wonderful... i've gone from being an only child, to having 20 some odd sisters and 60 some odd (some odder :P ) brothers... and it's great :)
and now i don't feel like getting into the depressing part of my week now... i'll just leave it at those highlights...
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First of all, I think I'd like to explain why I came to LU. I didn't come for the academics - that was secondary or tertiary... That did play a role though. They have one of the best education programs in the state, and according to Harvard, they have the best pre-law program around. But, that's not why I came.... I didn't come b/c of money either. Yes, I get a free ride, tuition wise, but that's all. I don't get room and board or books. If I'd gone to a state school anywhere, I could've gotten scholorships to cover that automatically for being valedictorian... I don't care about the money... I came to LU simply because I wanted the environment. I needed to be immersed in a Christian society. I needed the chapels and the class devos and the Bible classes. I spent 13 years in (a largely conservative, Christian) public school. I had friends who'd been taking Bible classes their whole lives. I wanted the chance to be able to learn, to fellowship. And I found it.
One of the amazing aspects of LU is the people. They're wonderful. I have so many friends all over the place, including my roommate and my suitemate who are my sisters, regardless of what their birth certificates might say. For me, being an only child, living at home w/ just my mom, and in the community I grew up in, I never had many guy friends, and the ones I did have weren't that close. Yes, they were great friends, but even those were in the last year or two of hs. But here, the ratio (3:1) is such that you have to be friends with guys. It's not a weird thing. It's necessary unless you're going to be an antisocial hermit. And it's great! I have so many wonderful friends on this campus, and at least half, if not more, are guys. Which brings me to the next topic.... Fall Fest...
Fall Fest (for non-LU people, it's like a week long homecoming thing, where each floor elects a king or queen and then spends the week campaigning for them in costumes and with props and such) was a disaster. I spent 3+ hours two of the nights chalking (ie- covering sidewalks all over campus w/ messages telling people to vote for Igloo)... I'd had no sleep.... way too much homework... intramural volleyball started up... projects.... and then extra fall fest responsibilities on top of all that mess (flyers, monarch, props, costumes, camera capers, air band, etc)..... I was a wreck.... Wednesday in particular was awful.... It was supposed to be Honor Your Monarch Day, where floors go around in costume doing special things for their monarch in a way that attracts attention, causing people to remember your monarch and, consequently, vote for them later.... So around 4am, some stupid people break onto 41 (my brother floor - another amazingly neat concept here) and steal all their costumes and props (a not so amazing concept)... this means they can't finish their Camera Capers (a slide show of pics they've taken of people in costume telling a story) and it makes it harder to honor their monarch (kelly, a girl off my floor - G2)... but the stupid people didn't get the gigantic trojan horse that 41 built for kelly to ride around all week. that has to be the best fall fest prop i have ever seen... but anwya, so they're all ticked off about that.... (not to mention that it's been raining all week and this is the first fully sunny day, so all costumes could be used).... so that afternoon, kelly gets "kidnapped" from class..... causing a general riot.... some of us g2ers were leaving our dorm to go escort our king, Igloo, from his lab and this huge flood of guys in yellow shirts comes pouring out of their building to start searching..... (she did show up..... several hours later...) so they missed being able to do the honor your monarch stuff...... and then (like there could possibly be more) our floor has a (fake) snowball fight out in front of SAGA (the dining hall)... at the end the LAS pledgers come over and start running off w/ our igloo that we built to carry around all week.... we're chasing them, the 41ers who were out there are chasing them, and everybody's in a generally homicidal mood.... so the security guard takes one of em out and in the process the igloo is demolished..... stupid LAS.... but anyway, they get griped out... it's a great story if you ever wanna hear it... and i stay over there and gripe them out some more.... and glare at the people that put them up to it, b/c pledgers never do anything on their own..... arg....
so that was a really rotten day.... up to that point... and then 41 decides to take G2 out for icecream at Shake's, which they talked into stayin open late for us... :) we must've spent a good two hours there at least... i had the best time i'd had in a looong time... it was a great stress reliever... but one of the neatest parts of the ngiht (aside form the fact that i have the absolute coolest brother floor on campus), was what we did for them.... i talked everybody into wearin their 41 shirts or at least bright yellow shirts.... so then we get out in the hall and the ones w/o 41 shirts made duct tape 41s... i love my floor! they're so great :) we just wanted some way to make the 41ers smile.. i think it worked :)
have i mentioned that i have the absolute greatest brother floor ever? when our igloo was stolen, it reminded me of some of their character traits... they care as much if not more for G2's stuff than their own, to the point that after the fact when guys were hearing about it, they were saying how much they wished they were there so they could've done stuff to the LAS people... of course part of that may have been the fact that they were all mad from earlier and just needed someone to take it out on.... but, i'll stick w/ my version which highlights loyalty and dedication and... stuff, over revenge :P after supper was over, the LAS guys didn't want to leave SAGA b/c they'd have to walk past this huge group of 41ers still outside talkin to security :) for all their mocking of 41, they sure are scared of em :P which is another great reason to be on G2 - nobody'll mess w/ you, b/c of 41 :)
it really annoys me when people make fun of people they don't even know.... in sunday school today, i was entertaining people w/ stories of the lovely redecorating job we did on my roomie's half of the room while she was gone this weekend... and i mentioned 41 helped, and these guys behind me start making jokes that they just put computers all over the place... stupid people... like they know anything.... arg... but anwya, contrary to popular belief, 41ers are the nicest, most generous, creative, fun, helpful, and all around wonderful guys on campus... so what if they like computers? that's not a bad thing... so anyway, off my lil tangent, i went to church tonight, and deliberatley wore my 41 shirt and sat in front of those guys.... they gave me a kinda strange look but didn't really say much all night :P stupid people....
one thing we did to sarah ruth's stuff, is we took all the clothes out of her closet and filled it w/ 41 shirts (i think w/ a grand total of 64)... the neat thing about 41 is that, i just had to ask, and the next thing i know i have all those shirts, generally considered "sacred" (although, 2/3 of them were dirty and i got them after i promissed to wash them, but that's beside the point :P ) if i'd asked for clean ones, i have no doubt that they would've washed them all for me... they're just those kind of people.... and we have the greatest brother/sister floor relationship... it's really wonderful... i've gone from being an only child, to having 20 some odd sisters and 60 some odd (some odder :P ) brothers... and it's great :)
and now i don't feel like getting into the depressing part of my week now... i'll just leave it at those highlights...
Thursday, October 07, 2004
arg... well, i slept through my first class b/c i was up all night tryin to do homework and never finished anything i needed to b/c i'm too exauhsted.... so now i'm (hopefully) in creative writing, the class i didn't get my 8pg paper done... i'll be back at 11 to do air band instead of working on my 2 page paper and reading for my 6pm class that i also didn't get to last night... then gk foster to teach PE in the rain... then back here skipping work so i can hopefully get at least one paper done to turn in at 6, since i don't have time to do it beforehand like normal b/c of air band.... arg.... i'm exauhsted, i'm sick, i failed a test, i'm not gettin stuff done, and i'm burned out... i just want fall fest to be over with, actually i want it to be june so i can actually sleep, b/c any and all sleep has been put off til then.... arg
well, that was my away message an hour ago..... so i went to class.... told the teacher what happened, started crying.... arg... i hate crying in front of people, esp in class..... but yeah... for the first 15 min of class or so.... but the one good thing about not having the paper done is that our group got done early, so now i'm gonna work on fall fest signs for air band....
emotionally, physically, and mentally, i'm completely burnt out... i can't take this anymore... i know there are only two days left for the week, but these are going to be two very loooong days....
arg
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well, that was my away message an hour ago..... so i went to class.... told the teacher what happened, started crying.... arg... i hate crying in front of people, esp in class..... but yeah... for the first 15 min of class or so.... but the one good thing about not having the paper done is that our group got done early, so now i'm gonna work on fall fest signs for air band....
emotionally, physically, and mentally, i'm completely burnt out... i can't take this anymore... i know there are only two days left for the week, but these are going to be two very loooong days....
arg
