Tuesday, September 28, 2004
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" (Ephesians 3:20-21)
i don't know about you, but i have a pretty active imagination... i can come up with the most off the wall things without trying, of course then i generally try and present them as seriously as possible... but that's all part of the fun... but somehow when it comes to imagining God's plan, i tend to stay in my safe little box. i'm so afraid that i'm going to imagine things so big and that God wouldn't ever do anything like that and i'd get my hopes up just high enough that they could shatter.. .. afraid that i'm being selfish by hoping for things... afraid that my dreams wouldn't be in God's plan so i'd try and go in the wrong direction... it's like, i know that God can do all that and more, but i don't think He'll do that for me. i think part of that all ties back into the whole not understanding God's love... but i'm workin on that.... slowly...
anyway, back to the point... i dont' give God enough credit. i know that He can do great and mighty things... in other people's lives.... i can see what He's done in my life in the past, but somehow, i think that's it...
but even if i did turn my imagination loose on that rabbit trail, God can do so much more than i could ever even dream....
"immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine"
that still leaves the asking part.... i don't know how to ask for anything from God... i do it all the time, but not correctly... i don't know what to ask for... often times, at the end of my prayer, i'll remember that i'm supposed to be praying God's will, something that i don't know... so they end up somethin like this: "God will you do this and this and this and this, but only-if-it's-your-will." it gets tacked on the end in an attempt to make it "right".
but knowing what to pray isn't something we naturally know how to do... that's what the Holy Spirit is there for.. i'm going through the Experiencing God Bible study w/ my roomie right now, and a few days ago, there was a really great analogy that's stuck with me...
"For his sixth birthday, my oldest son Richard was old enough to have a bicycle. I looked all around for a bicycle. I found a blue Schwinn. I bought it and hid it in the garage. Then I had a task - to convince Richard that he needed a blue Schwinn bike. For the next little while, we began to work with Richard. Richard decided that what he really wanted for his birthday was a blue Schwinn bike. Do you know what Richard got? Well, the bike was already in the garage. I just had to convince him to ask for it. He asked for it, and he got it."
i'd never understood how to ask for things in accordance to the will of God... that picture helped me a lot... it takes some of the burden off of me... i just have to be sensitive to the Spirit (another thing that's been pointed out over and over and over) and to ask God to change me... there's not this weight of having to know exactly what to pray and how to pray... i just have to keep praying for God to change what i think i want a little at a time... to belive that not only will God do what's best for me in my life, but He will give me His very best. which is too amazing for me to even think about right now.
with that said, i'd like to ask anybody reading this to pray for my dad right now. an old family friend of ours died sunday morning, and when my parents were still married, my dad became really close to him.. they haven't spoken in years, so i'm not sure how much this will impact him... but he's coming down for the funeral, and i hope so much that the gospel will be presented... he knows his faults, but he doesn't understand that there is a "love beyond reason"... doesn't understand that he's an object of that most powerful love.. and that he can be forgiven....
anyway, that's my impossible dream... but, hey, that's okay, because my God's that big, and He can do that...
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" (Ephesians 3:20-21)
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i don't know about you, but i have a pretty active imagination... i can come up with the most off the wall things without trying, of course then i generally try and present them as seriously as possible... but that's all part of the fun... but somehow when it comes to imagining God's plan, i tend to stay in my safe little box. i'm so afraid that i'm going to imagine things so big and that God wouldn't ever do anything like that and i'd get my hopes up just high enough that they could shatter.. .. afraid that i'm being selfish by hoping for things... afraid that my dreams wouldn't be in God's plan so i'd try and go in the wrong direction... it's like, i know that God can do all that and more, but i don't think He'll do that for me. i think part of that all ties back into the whole not understanding God's love... but i'm workin on that.... slowly...
anyway, back to the point... i dont' give God enough credit. i know that He can do great and mighty things... in other people's lives.... i can see what He's done in my life in the past, but somehow, i think that's it...
but even if i did turn my imagination loose on that rabbit trail, God can do so much more than i could ever even dream....
"immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine"
that still leaves the asking part.... i don't know how to ask for anything from God... i do it all the time, but not correctly... i don't know what to ask for... often times, at the end of my prayer, i'll remember that i'm supposed to be praying God's will, something that i don't know... so they end up somethin like this: "God will you do this and this and this and this, but only-if-it's-your-will." it gets tacked on the end in an attempt to make it "right".
but knowing what to pray isn't something we naturally know how to do... that's what the Holy Spirit is there for.. i'm going through the Experiencing God Bible study w/ my roomie right now, and a few days ago, there was a really great analogy that's stuck with me...
"For his sixth birthday, my oldest son Richard was old enough to have a bicycle. I looked all around for a bicycle. I found a blue Schwinn. I bought it and hid it in the garage. Then I had a task - to convince Richard that he needed a blue Schwinn bike. For the next little while, we began to work with Richard. Richard decided that what he really wanted for his birthday was a blue Schwinn bike. Do you know what Richard got? Well, the bike was already in the garage. I just had to convince him to ask for it. He asked for it, and he got it."
i'd never understood how to ask for things in accordance to the will of God... that picture helped me a lot... it takes some of the burden off of me... i just have to be sensitive to the Spirit (another thing that's been pointed out over and over and over) and to ask God to change me... there's not this weight of having to know exactly what to pray and how to pray... i just have to keep praying for God to change what i think i want a little at a time... to belive that not only will God do what's best for me in my life, but He will give me His very best. which is too amazing for me to even think about right now.
with that said, i'd like to ask anybody reading this to pray for my dad right now. an old family friend of ours died sunday morning, and when my parents were still married, my dad became really close to him.. they haven't spoken in years, so i'm not sure how much this will impact him... but he's coming down for the funeral, and i hope so much that the gospel will be presented... he knows his faults, but he doesn't understand that there is a "love beyond reason"... doesn't understand that he's an object of that most powerful love.. and that he can be forgiven....
anyway, that's my impossible dream... but, hey, that's okay, because my God's that big, and He can do that...
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" (Ephesians 3:20-21)
Saturday, September 18, 2004
"i'm not tryin to be mean or anything, but how many people live in your head?"
ok, so suzy thinks i'm schitzo :-P
no comment
so this week has been.... long... very long... some days (very rarely) some really really neat stuff happened and i wanted to write about it, but then other junk would happen (like getting an hour and a half of sleep a night, etc) that would completely take away any happiness... sometimes it makes me wonder if i'm bipolar or something, but i'm not... i think a large part of it is that i can find happiness in the smallest things, but that also means i take everything a little harder than most people... maybe... or.. not.... yeah, i haven't had enough sleep this week to psychoanalyze myself, maybe next week....
i got my car back today!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) i haven't gotten to drive it in almost two months :( but, i have my wonderful wonderful car back, so i can stop bothering people and feeling guilty all the time, so i can go everywhere i need to go :) having a car is happy
speaking of happy things... at work friday, i was ecstatic because the school week was over!!! if you know anything about my week, you would know that this is probably the worse one i've had in a long time.... but, it was over! and then i kept discovering/rediscovering all sorts of happy stuff, so i made a list:
1. paperclips :) sounds stupid, but paperclips are amazing... but, that's not why they're on the list this time... one of the stacks of paper i had to deal w/ friday had this really cool red and yellow striped paperclip on it... i think i've seen painted ones before, but for some reason friday, that struck me as really neat... 41 should start a collection.. they're in the right colors after all :-P
2. typewriters :) i love typewriters.. i miss having one around... we used to have one, but then my mom gave it to my grandma a few years ago... so friday, i had to type up some stuff on a form, using.. a typewriter!!! it was very happy.. so then i didn't want to stop and typed this whole random page full of stuff, just b/c typewriters are fun...
3. M&M cookies - esp the really large kind :) that one's self explanatory :P
4. clouds - they're absolutely amazing.... some days they look like God had a big bowl of them (kinda like whip cream or cool whip) and just took a very large spoon and put little "dolops" :P of clouds in the sky.... but clouds in general are one of the neatest parts of creation
5. sunshine
6. dirt :P anyone who's ever been a kid knows how fun dirt is... i wasn't playing in it though on friday :P i was thinking more about the nice cool dirt that's in the shade of a sprawling tree....
7. shade... not just the thing itsself and the relief it brings, but watching the trees' shadows dance accross the ground, and the few stray beams of sunlight that fought their way in through the dense foliage...
8. feather dusters :) this one was actually from thursday.. but i had to dust some stuff that i found on a top shelf, and they wanted me to use the duster... which was like the one i used in Annie... so i had all the music off of Annie running through my head and was humming it all day...
9. paper shredders - are neat, b/c instead of just humming annie songs, i could sing them while i was shredding fiddy billion pages, and nobody could hear me :)
10. being OCD - it's just fun :P
and that's all i'm going to list right now... oh! and did you know that Odessa is by Tyler according to UT Houston? :P ask me later if you want to know... it's an.. interesting concept... i guess all those times that i've ridden in a car for 12-13 hours to go to west Texas, all i had to do was drive to tyler.....
one last thing, i've gotta go to work... if you had to describe yourself in like 3 phrases, what would you use? (not necessarily serious, b/c i know my answers would be completely different, but w/ a humorous approach...) i dont' know if this is really what i'd use, but i thought about this when ms. hill and i were making fun of harvard's "unique" ways on friday....
(1) stubborn, (2) ocd, (3) annoyingly curious
:) "blue skies smilin at me, nothin but blue skies, do i see...."
(0) comments
ok, so suzy thinks i'm schitzo :-P
no comment
so this week has been.... long... very long... some days (very rarely) some really really neat stuff happened and i wanted to write about it, but then other junk would happen (like getting an hour and a half of sleep a night, etc) that would completely take away any happiness... sometimes it makes me wonder if i'm bipolar or something, but i'm not... i think a large part of it is that i can find happiness in the smallest things, but that also means i take everything a little harder than most people... maybe... or.. not.... yeah, i haven't had enough sleep this week to psychoanalyze myself, maybe next week....
i got my car back today!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) i haven't gotten to drive it in almost two months :( but, i have my wonderful wonderful car back, so i can stop bothering people and feeling guilty all the time, so i can go everywhere i need to go :) having a car is happy
speaking of happy things... at work friday, i was ecstatic because the school week was over!!! if you know anything about my week, you would know that this is probably the worse one i've had in a long time.... but, it was over! and then i kept discovering/rediscovering all sorts of happy stuff, so i made a list:
1. paperclips :) sounds stupid, but paperclips are amazing... but, that's not why they're on the list this time... one of the stacks of paper i had to deal w/ friday had this really cool red and yellow striped paperclip on it... i think i've seen painted ones before, but for some reason friday, that struck me as really neat... 41 should start a collection.. they're in the right colors after all :-P
2. typewriters :) i love typewriters.. i miss having one around... we used to have one, but then my mom gave it to my grandma a few years ago... so friday, i had to type up some stuff on a form, using.. a typewriter!!! it was very happy.. so then i didn't want to stop and typed this whole random page full of stuff, just b/c typewriters are fun...
3. M&M cookies - esp the really large kind :) that one's self explanatory :P
4. clouds - they're absolutely amazing.... some days they look like God had a big bowl of them (kinda like whip cream or cool whip) and just took a very large spoon and put little "dolops" :P of clouds in the sky.... but clouds in general are one of the neatest parts of creation
5. sunshine
6. dirt :P anyone who's ever been a kid knows how fun dirt is... i wasn't playing in it though on friday :P i was thinking more about the nice cool dirt that's in the shade of a sprawling tree....
7. shade... not just the thing itsself and the relief it brings, but watching the trees' shadows dance accross the ground, and the few stray beams of sunlight that fought their way in through the dense foliage...
8. feather dusters :) this one was actually from thursday.. but i had to dust some stuff that i found on a top shelf, and they wanted me to use the duster... which was like the one i used in Annie... so i had all the music off of Annie running through my head and was humming it all day...
9. paper shredders - are neat, b/c instead of just humming annie songs, i could sing them while i was shredding fiddy billion pages, and nobody could hear me :)
10. being OCD - it's just fun :P
and that's all i'm going to list right now... oh! and did you know that Odessa is by Tyler according to UT Houston? :P ask me later if you want to know... it's an.. interesting concept... i guess all those times that i've ridden in a car for 12-13 hours to go to west Texas, all i had to do was drive to tyler.....
one last thing, i've gotta go to work... if you had to describe yourself in like 3 phrases, what would you use? (not necessarily serious, b/c i know my answers would be completely different, but w/ a humorous approach...) i dont' know if this is really what i'd use, but i thought about this when ms. hill and i were making fun of harvard's "unique" ways on friday....
(1) stubborn, (2) ocd, (3) annoyingly curious
:) "blue skies smilin at me, nothin but blue skies, do i see...."
Sunday, September 12, 2004
ok. so for all the disgruntled people, who really have no reason to be disgruntled, i'm posting. :-P
so... today... was... overwhelming.
i had children's church, which actually went tollerably well for once. .. i have it next week too. this wasn't my week for it, but since i'd been sick so much this summer at the last min, i took the lady who kept filling in for me's place... umm.. yeah.. that sentance looks weird... but anyway
church was fun today... clowning was fun yesterday.... both days, i had people coming up to me and saying stuff like, "wow, i always thought you were some quiet reserved person... but give you a red wig and..." "you just sorta hide behind that flute, i didn't know you had a voice like that.." "you should sing more. we should schedule you to sing every other sunday.." aaack.... i can't sing every week... i don't like it b/c it draws attention... although the shock value is somewhat amusing... watching people's jaws drop, esp when they (mistakenly) i assumed i'm "quiet" and that i would have a nice sweet quiet voice to go with it..... :-D i don't :-D and that's a fun thing. i can pull off the nice sugary sweet all pretty voice when i have to, or when it fits the song, but being loud is much more fun. esp when it echoes. the nursing home on sat echoed. alot. :) i think mom and i are singing next sunday... that should be fun :) when we sing, it's (generally) southern gospel, which for some reason a lot of people in the church haven't really been exposed to. so we contaminate.. err.. umm... enlighten them to the joys of fun, happy, exciting music. and they like it. (whether they want to or not :-P )
ok, enough w/ the singing... hmm.... oh yeah,. so today... i had to do everything to do... i'm not even going to list all of the stuff because it makes me tired just thinking about it... but one thing i was doing this afternoon was a week's worth of Experiencing God. and no, i wasn't a week behind b/c i just hadn't been doing it. techinically i was right on time, but sr and i started a week later than everyone else, so i was behind them... that and all the homework and the floor activities, was just about to make me go insane (no comments please :-P ) and then i got a call from the director at LCT. they needed me up there to train their new person, which i'd already promissed to do... needless to say, when i had time was "too late" for them and i got guilt tripped into a lot of stuff... as soon as i answered the phone i felt like screaming... i can't take this anymore. i don't need all this stress in my life. it's like my mind was hyperventalating, if that makes any sense...
you know, when you're a little kid and you keep crying and they all get panicky that you're going to start hyperventalating, and so they start saying shhh and try to calm you down? well, i seriously needed some of that.. .but i was stuck on the phone for 15 min being more and more overwhelmed and sucked under the rising waters of "responsiblity" that i always end up in, or place myself in, or just imagine into existence....
so then i get off and try to go to day 2 of this week in the book... and as soon as i started reading all of that, it was like God was saying, "shh... calm down.. it's all gonna be okay" (this is assuming of course, that God speaks suthun, which i'm sure He does :-P )...
the lesson, when i got further into it, was all about how we invest our time, resources, and ultimately our life into things, both lasting and fleeting... one thing it said to do was to make a list of what you spend your time on... well, two lists actually.... i spend far more time on homework alone than i do on anything truly lasting, and that's not counting all the other stuff i do too.... at one point it says, "We are a 'doing' people. We feel worthless or useless if we are not busy doing something... To be loved by God is the highest relationship, the highest achievement, and the highest position in life." that's just something i have a hard time dealing with... i'm so goal oriented, that it's hard for me...
it goes on to list the lyrics to "I'd rather have Jesus than anything." i had that song stuck in my head for the longest time... it's just so calming.... i tend to need that alot :-P my personality is such that i have to have responsibilities.. they're generally given to me, b/c people trust me, but if they aren't, i seek them out, or take on other people's.... it's not healthy, but that's how i am... and that tends to create a whole lot more stress than i should have to deal with....
dr sanders (the crazy new age lady who i will NOT be going back to for a million dollars or a lifetime supply of chocolate - which is infinitely more valuable :P - i would rather not go back to the lady that had me tortured, but that's a different story...) anyway, dr sanders tried to tell me that i had an anxiety disorder.. umm.. no.. yeah, i was a lil antsy after you stuch a needle in my arm ten times and went fishing for a vein amoung other things, and never once drew blood... that tends to make me not be quite so happy about people poking long pointy medal things in my arm... (oh, and i am hypoglycemic by the wya, although she didn't want to "label" me.. ok.. enough of the crazy lady.. ) arg.. where was i? oh yeah... high stress, too much responsibility, and anxiety disorders.... i could see how you could draw the connections, but i don't have any more anxiety than any other only/oldest child has in their life.... i might have more things to be anxious over, b/c that's where i place myself, but not at unreasonable levels per event...
ok, now i've even confused myself..... i'm lost... i'll just pick a new topic... :-D cause i can do that :-P
day 3 in Experiencing God... the first paragraph or so talks about the garden of eden, and God asking, "Where are you?" I saw that question completely differently than I've ever seen it before... Generally it's just a matter of, well God knew where they were, so He's not really asking, He's just giving them a chance to come clean.... The book instructs readers to "try to sense the heart of a loving Father when He asked that wonderful love question, 'Where are you?' (Gen 3:9). God knew that something had happened to the love relationship." that got me thinking... and i went down a rabbit trail i'd never been down before, and what an interesting trail it turned out to be.... it wasn't a question of location.. or at least not of physical location... it's a heart thing... it's an attention question... it's not really where are you, per se... but more of a, why did you leave me? did i do something wrong? why don't you want to spend time with me? why are you avoiding me? why isn't your heart in this anymore? where are you?
(and yes I realize that God still knew the answers to this, and yes i realize that He wouldn't be asking if He did anything wrong, b/c He's perfect... but translated into a human scenario, that's what would be going on)
anyway, that was a really interesting thought for me... i'd never considered it like that.. with that much emotion, and that much of Him invested into that question... which leads me to the next part of day 3.... it goes on to talk about spending time w/ God... and how it shouldn't be a chore... how we should "keep that time alone with God, not in order to have a relationship, but b/c (we) have a relationship.... Your quiet time is b/c you know Him and, therefore, love Him, not only in order to learn about Him." i'm one of those people that has difficulty w/ that.... i do tend to look at it like a chore, no matter how much i want to see it otherwise... i've always looked on it as a learning experience, seeking a relationship... not b/c there was already one in existence... but when you think about it like that.. .think about in terms of people.. and that when you don't "show up", He asks, "why? where were you? where are you? why did you leave?"..... it changes everything....
there were some other things... day 4 said that "the love that God focuses on your life is an everlasting love." focuses.... the God of the universe is focused on me... and half the time i dont' pay attention to Him... He's focused... that brought to mind the stuff i've been reading in Love Beyond Reason. in that book it talks about God turning His face on us, with several really great illustrations explaining the importance, but it all boiled down to this: "To turn your face toward someone is to give that person your whole-hearted, undivided attention. It is not the casual listening of a preoccupied mind. It is a statement: 'I have nothing else to do, nowhere I'd rather be. I'm fully devoted to being with you.' This is the kind of attention God lavishes on us." the Experiencing God material just reinforced that for me... which i needed today... i always need it though..
anyway, that's not by far all that's happened since the last time i posted, or even all that's happened to day, or al lthat i got out of this week's worth of lessons that i did this afternoon... but certain people who shall remain nameless said i was a slacker, so i posted... a novel perhaps, but you should be careful what you ask for. :-P
(0) comments
so... today... was... overwhelming.
i had children's church, which actually went tollerably well for once. .. i have it next week too. this wasn't my week for it, but since i'd been sick so much this summer at the last min, i took the lady who kept filling in for me's place... umm.. yeah.. that sentance looks weird... but anyway
church was fun today... clowning was fun yesterday.... both days, i had people coming up to me and saying stuff like, "wow, i always thought you were some quiet reserved person... but give you a red wig and..." "you just sorta hide behind that flute, i didn't know you had a voice like that.." "you should sing more. we should schedule you to sing every other sunday.." aaack.... i can't sing every week... i don't like it b/c it draws attention... although the shock value is somewhat amusing... watching people's jaws drop, esp when they (mistakenly) i assumed i'm "quiet" and that i would have a nice sweet quiet voice to go with it..... :-D i don't :-D and that's a fun thing. i can pull off the nice sugary sweet all pretty voice when i have to, or when it fits the song, but being loud is much more fun. esp when it echoes. the nursing home on sat echoed. alot. :) i think mom and i are singing next sunday... that should be fun :) when we sing, it's (generally) southern gospel, which for some reason a lot of people in the church haven't really been exposed to. so we contaminate.. err.. umm... enlighten them to the joys of fun, happy, exciting music. and they like it. (whether they want to or not :-P )
ok, enough w/ the singing... hmm.... oh yeah,. so today... i had to do everything to do... i'm not even going to list all of the stuff because it makes me tired just thinking about it... but one thing i was doing this afternoon was a week's worth of Experiencing God. and no, i wasn't a week behind b/c i just hadn't been doing it. techinically i was right on time, but sr and i started a week later than everyone else, so i was behind them... that and all the homework and the floor activities, was just about to make me go insane (no comments please :-P ) and then i got a call from the director at LCT. they needed me up there to train their new person, which i'd already promissed to do... needless to say, when i had time was "too late" for them and i got guilt tripped into a lot of stuff... as soon as i answered the phone i felt like screaming... i can't take this anymore. i don't need all this stress in my life. it's like my mind was hyperventalating, if that makes any sense...
you know, when you're a little kid and you keep crying and they all get panicky that you're going to start hyperventalating, and so they start saying shhh and try to calm you down? well, i seriously needed some of that.. .but i was stuck on the phone for 15 min being more and more overwhelmed and sucked under the rising waters of "responsiblity" that i always end up in, or place myself in, or just imagine into existence....
so then i get off and try to go to day 2 of this week in the book... and as soon as i started reading all of that, it was like God was saying, "shh... calm down.. it's all gonna be okay" (this is assuming of course, that God speaks suthun, which i'm sure He does :-P )...
the lesson, when i got further into it, was all about how we invest our time, resources, and ultimately our life into things, both lasting and fleeting... one thing it said to do was to make a list of what you spend your time on... well, two lists actually.... i spend far more time on homework alone than i do on anything truly lasting, and that's not counting all the other stuff i do too.... at one point it says, "We are a 'doing' people. We feel worthless or useless if we are not busy doing something... To be loved by God is the highest relationship, the highest achievement, and the highest position in life." that's just something i have a hard time dealing with... i'm so goal oriented, that it's hard for me...
it goes on to list the lyrics to "I'd rather have Jesus than anything." i had that song stuck in my head for the longest time... it's just so calming.... i tend to need that alot :-P my personality is such that i have to have responsibilities.. they're generally given to me, b/c people trust me, but if they aren't, i seek them out, or take on other people's.... it's not healthy, but that's how i am... and that tends to create a whole lot more stress than i should have to deal with....
dr sanders (the crazy new age lady who i will NOT be going back to for a million dollars or a lifetime supply of chocolate - which is infinitely more valuable :P - i would rather not go back to the lady that had me tortured, but that's a different story...) anyway, dr sanders tried to tell me that i had an anxiety disorder.. umm.. no.. yeah, i was a lil antsy after you stuch a needle in my arm ten times and went fishing for a vein amoung other things, and never once drew blood... that tends to make me not be quite so happy about people poking long pointy medal things in my arm... (oh, and i am hypoglycemic by the wya, although she didn't want to "label" me.. ok.. enough of the crazy lady.. ) arg.. where was i? oh yeah... high stress, too much responsibility, and anxiety disorders.... i could see how you could draw the connections, but i don't have any more anxiety than any other only/oldest child has in their life.... i might have more things to be anxious over, b/c that's where i place myself, but not at unreasonable levels per event...
ok, now i've even confused myself..... i'm lost... i'll just pick a new topic... :-D cause i can do that :-P
day 3 in Experiencing God... the first paragraph or so talks about the garden of eden, and God asking, "Where are you?" I saw that question completely differently than I've ever seen it before... Generally it's just a matter of, well God knew where they were, so He's not really asking, He's just giving them a chance to come clean.... The book instructs readers to "try to sense the heart of a loving Father when He asked that wonderful love question, 'Where are you?' (Gen 3:9). God knew that something had happened to the love relationship." that got me thinking... and i went down a rabbit trail i'd never been down before, and what an interesting trail it turned out to be.... it wasn't a question of location.. or at least not of physical location... it's a heart thing... it's an attention question... it's not really where are you, per se... but more of a, why did you leave me? did i do something wrong? why don't you want to spend time with me? why are you avoiding me? why isn't your heart in this anymore? where are you?
(and yes I realize that God still knew the answers to this, and yes i realize that He wouldn't be asking if He did anything wrong, b/c He's perfect... but translated into a human scenario, that's what would be going on)
anyway, that was a really interesting thought for me... i'd never considered it like that.. with that much emotion, and that much of Him invested into that question... which leads me to the next part of day 3.... it goes on to talk about spending time w/ God... and how it shouldn't be a chore... how we should "keep that time alone with God, not in order to have a relationship, but b/c (we) have a relationship.... Your quiet time is b/c you know Him and, therefore, love Him, not only in order to learn about Him." i'm one of those people that has difficulty w/ that.... i do tend to look at it like a chore, no matter how much i want to see it otherwise... i've always looked on it as a learning experience, seeking a relationship... not b/c there was already one in existence... but when you think about it like that.. .think about in terms of people.. and that when you don't "show up", He asks, "why? where were you? where are you? why did you leave?"..... it changes everything....
there were some other things... day 4 said that "the love that God focuses on your life is an everlasting love." focuses.... the God of the universe is focused on me... and half the time i dont' pay attention to Him... He's focused... that brought to mind the stuff i've been reading in Love Beyond Reason. in that book it talks about God turning His face on us, with several really great illustrations explaining the importance, but it all boiled down to this: "To turn your face toward someone is to give that person your whole-hearted, undivided attention. It is not the casual listening of a preoccupied mind. It is a statement: 'I have nothing else to do, nowhere I'd rather be. I'm fully devoted to being with you.' This is the kind of attention God lavishes on us." the Experiencing God material just reinforced that for me... which i needed today... i always need it though..
anyway, that's not by far all that's happened since the last time i posted, or even all that's happened to day, or al lthat i got out of this week's worth of lessons that i did this afternoon... but certain people who shall remain nameless said i was a slacker, so i posted... a novel perhaps, but you should be careful what you ask for. :-P
