Wednesday, June 09, 2004
scar tissue is stonger than normal tissue.
that's just a fact. one that applies to things other than the obvious. it applies to life...
but what if... what if you had a scar, one that many looked on as still raw, one that they said you should still be in pain over.... but what if... what if, you didn't even think about that scar... you might think about it occasionally if you happened to see it, but you forgot about it just as quickly... you didn't see it as almost new, and still in need of healing... you just see it as an old scar from another life that you've learned to live around.... but everybody else thinks you should be thinking about it.. and that you should talk about your scar and that you should do things to not necessarily make it go away, but to make it smaller and less noticible perhaps... a smaller degree of healing.... are you heartless if you don't think about it, or the event that caused it?
what if.. what if you had another scar, one possibly worse and considerably newer.... one that they thought you should get counseling for... but you knew what they'd say.. you know what the Bible says about roots of bitterness... you know all that... you knew the truth... you didn't need somebody to tell it to you... you just needed to apply it to your life, and why should you get help then... you'd never had help before.... you didn't need somebody to point at a scar and tell you, "this is a scar". but... part of that was defiance... they had to know that if you went to counseling, then in some way, you allowed the scar to become serious... you would begin to dwell on it, and no matter how much it healed you would still see it as new and raw... as it was, you knew exactly what it was, and how serious it was, and you knew the only way for you to keep going, was to acknowledge it for what it was, and then move on... there's no point in constantly thinking about something you can't help... by thinking about it, it causes it to grow deeper and uglier.... arg...
so anywya... i wasn't intending on going into that mess... now i'll be stuck thinking about it for a few days... obviously i'm not over that yet.... but the first thing... i honestly don't think about it at all.... but they say i should... they say it should be affecting me b/c such a large part of my life changed.... it shouldn't be something you can ignore... and i'm not conciously ignoring it... it just never surfaces in my mind... is that a bad thing? i know i ramble and then expect you to read it and then understand it somehow, but that just proves i'm somewhat sadistic :-P but does the fact that i honestly don't think about such an "important" scar, mean i'm heartless somehow?
that's just a fact. one that applies to things other than the obvious. it applies to life...
but what if... what if you had a scar, one that many looked on as still raw, one that they said you should still be in pain over.... but what if... what if, you didn't even think about that scar... you might think about it occasionally if you happened to see it, but you forgot about it just as quickly... you didn't see it as almost new, and still in need of healing... you just see it as an old scar from another life that you've learned to live around.... but everybody else thinks you should be thinking about it.. and that you should talk about your scar and that you should do things to not necessarily make it go away, but to make it smaller and less noticible perhaps... a smaller degree of healing.... are you heartless if you don't think about it, or the event that caused it?
what if.. what if you had another scar, one possibly worse and considerably newer.... one that they thought you should get counseling for... but you knew what they'd say.. you know what the Bible says about roots of bitterness... you know all that... you knew the truth... you didn't need somebody to tell it to you... you just needed to apply it to your life, and why should you get help then... you'd never had help before.... you didn't need somebody to point at a scar and tell you, "this is a scar". but... part of that was defiance... they had to know that if you went to counseling, then in some way, you allowed the scar to become serious... you would begin to dwell on it, and no matter how much it healed you would still see it as new and raw... as it was, you knew exactly what it was, and how serious it was, and you knew the only way for you to keep going, was to acknowledge it for what it was, and then move on... there's no point in constantly thinking about something you can't help... by thinking about it, it causes it to grow deeper and uglier.... arg...
so anywya... i wasn't intending on going into that mess... now i'll be stuck thinking about it for a few days... obviously i'm not over that yet.... but the first thing... i honestly don't think about it at all.... but they say i should... they say it should be affecting me b/c such a large part of my life changed.... it shouldn't be something you can ignore... and i'm not conciously ignoring it... it just never surfaces in my mind... is that a bad thing? i know i ramble and then expect you to read it and then understand it somehow, but that just proves i'm somewhat sadistic :-P but does the fact that i honestly don't think about such an "important" scar, mean i'm heartless somehow?
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