Monday, November 29, 2004
clouds amaze me, absolutley never cease to capture my attention....
last week when it was raining constantly, i was given the privelege of working in the dark, and no priveledge is not used sarcastically there :-P this is coming from the girl who sincerely does not like electric lights if there are any alternatives... sure i'll have every light in the house on if i'm scared, and i'll be carryin around a baseball bat and a phone, but that's not normal for me :-P there's something about sunlight flooding into a room that makes it warmer and kinder and truly peaceful... it makes a place truly homey and takes it far away from the stresses and bothers of everyday life... or at least, for me it does... and this applies even when the sky's dark and dreary and rain lashes poor trees without mercy...
so anyway, i spent a few hours working in the dark and got distracted more than once by the wall of windows behind me... during that time, not only did i relax for the first time in a long time, despite the fact that i was doing highly monotonous work and being very annoyed w/ the letourneau population in general, i also thought (way too much, but what's new :-P ) about clouds.... i do that alot, come to think of it... i wrote alot about rain and clouds and immagination back at the begining of may, a little in june when it rained nonstop, and then a few weeks ago at the begining of novemeber i babbled about clouds and sunsets..... one of these days i should write a book or at least make a collection about clouds and stuff.... would be interesting....
anyway, back to the point, whatever that was :-P so i sat in the dark for a few hours and thought, a lot.... somehow managed to turn clouds into a forum for philisophical pondering.... some of which i will (finally) share here, though not all, b/c if you overanalyze even more and continue to think, you begin to come up w/ contradicting or even more befuddling thoughts and things deeper than i have time to sit down and deal with....
for most of that day and the days surrounding it, the clouds were steely gray and were so thick that they seemed like their weight would send them crashing to earth, but then the sun randomly came out.... it lit the little trees up and made the steely sky resemble marble... and if you stared at one particular tree long enough, the one with a patch of red leaves that looked like it was alive and on fire, with the sun on it and thinner wispy clouds moving behind it that looked brilliantly white against the marble sky, the dark sky looked blue.... it was a darker blue like you could see on a hazy summer day.... it was a very strange feeling... the later on the background clouds weren't quite as dark and really played with your mind if you looked at the trees in the sunlight... it got to the point that i could easily convince myself that there weren't clouds but blue sky merely tinted by the windows... but then the sun went away and the clouds went back to bein plain ol' gray clouds.... very dissapointing and puzzling... then the sun came out again and turned the steely skies blue... or at least you could've sworn they were blue, even after the experience a few moments earlier... but that charade only lasted until the clouds in one place cleared and the brilliant blue of the real sky could be seen... glancing from the true sky to clouds that to me earlier seemed the clearest sky was disorienting.... by that point there was no way they could be mistaken for sky, at least not when compared to the real thing.... they returned to being lifeless dreary gray lumps that stood in the way and tried to block out life giving sunlight and refreshing skies....
it made me wonder why i thought that the sky was blue when it wasn't... whether it was the tinting on the windows that made them appear blue (which also convinced me that they clouds really were blue and the tint was just makin them appear grayish), or the general deprivation from real blue sky and no longer being familiar enough with it to recognize it, or whether i was depending to heavily on the trees and other surroundings and their temporary colorings.....
it made me think about how many times in life that i convince myself that something is something it's not, generally something that's the farthest from what i think it is.... and i wonder whether i base those assumptions on the people and places around me and let them change my perspective, or whether my outlook in general is tinted by something it shouldn't be (in which case everyone if you think about it has their own tint on their windows, tints they've picked up from various circumstances in life and dealings w/ people), or whether i've just gone for so long without seeing the truth that i mistake other things for it and eagerly so.....
but at the same time, the true sky is always so recognizable.... it can't be mistaken for anything else... it's always far more brilliant and far more beautiful than anything else... it can't even be truly captured on canvas or on film or with an ink filled pen..... and above all, it can't be counterfeited.....
...
that's a thought that's really hard to swallow.... it applies to so many things in life, things i don't want to list right now.... and yes, i know there are other applications and that they can all be contradicted and confused beyond belief if i would keep going.... you could take the angle that they sky isn't really blue but black, and where would that put you philisophically? in a big mess... there's the tangent that no matter how dark and menacing the skies get, the ones we mistake for blue skies and the ones we don't, that from the heavens, they're merely overly fluffy white clouds, so full of blessings that the light can't get all the way through them if only we'd look with the right perspective....
but anyway, back to the one i wanted to talk about :-P it can be both a hopefully exhillirating and equally depressing thought.... what in your life do you look to and see as blue sky, when in fact it's a storm that you can't escape, something that couldn't in a million years be mistaken for good, yet you take it as such and fix your hopes and dreams on it only to be broken when you find out that it lacks substance and attempts to drown you when you needed sunlight and then eventually disbands and goes in many different directions..... what do you see as blue sky? and are you sure that it's blue sky? or are you being decieved by using something unreliable to help "clarify" your vision and taint your perspective?
on the other hand, when something you considered blue sky fails and destroys and hurts and winds up being merely a mirage, you have hope... you know that there is blue sky out there somewhere that is unmistakable for what it is... there will be no questions.. no doubts... no fears... and it is more brilliant, more breathtaking, more beautiful than any cheap imitation could ever dream of being.... there's something better... there's always something better...
ok, so that's not the end of that tangent, but i'm hungry and now somewhat drained and tired of goin in circles in my head... this is one of the few things i've written and am going to ask for feedback on (which means more than likely i won't get it b/c it's fiddy billion pages long, but oh well)... i know this is all very vague and can be taken a million different ways, and more than likely i've taken all the million different paths and then some, so however you want to interpret this is probably right :-P my question is, do you have any thoughts? any input? (aside from the fact that lizards overanalyze everything beyond belief) i really do want to hear what you think... if you see something i missed (or didn't feel like typing) then tell me... i know there're holes, but i also know there are multiple applications.... so... what do you think?
last week when it was raining constantly, i was given the privelege of working in the dark, and no priveledge is not used sarcastically there :-P this is coming from the girl who sincerely does not like electric lights if there are any alternatives... sure i'll have every light in the house on if i'm scared, and i'll be carryin around a baseball bat and a phone, but that's not normal for me :-P there's something about sunlight flooding into a room that makes it warmer and kinder and truly peaceful... it makes a place truly homey and takes it far away from the stresses and bothers of everyday life... or at least, for me it does... and this applies even when the sky's dark and dreary and rain lashes poor trees without mercy...
so anyway, i spent a few hours working in the dark and got distracted more than once by the wall of windows behind me... during that time, not only did i relax for the first time in a long time, despite the fact that i was doing highly monotonous work and being very annoyed w/ the letourneau population in general, i also thought (way too much, but what's new :-P ) about clouds.... i do that alot, come to think of it... i wrote alot about rain and clouds and immagination back at the begining of may, a little in june when it rained nonstop, and then a few weeks ago at the begining of novemeber i babbled about clouds and sunsets..... one of these days i should write a book or at least make a collection about clouds and stuff.... would be interesting....
anyway, back to the point, whatever that was :-P so i sat in the dark for a few hours and thought, a lot.... somehow managed to turn clouds into a forum for philisophical pondering.... some of which i will (finally) share here, though not all, b/c if you overanalyze even more and continue to think, you begin to come up w/ contradicting or even more befuddling thoughts and things deeper than i have time to sit down and deal with....
for most of that day and the days surrounding it, the clouds were steely gray and were so thick that they seemed like their weight would send them crashing to earth, but then the sun randomly came out.... it lit the little trees up and made the steely sky resemble marble... and if you stared at one particular tree long enough, the one with a patch of red leaves that looked like it was alive and on fire, with the sun on it and thinner wispy clouds moving behind it that looked brilliantly white against the marble sky, the dark sky looked blue.... it was a darker blue like you could see on a hazy summer day.... it was a very strange feeling... the later on the background clouds weren't quite as dark and really played with your mind if you looked at the trees in the sunlight... it got to the point that i could easily convince myself that there weren't clouds but blue sky merely tinted by the windows... but then the sun went away and the clouds went back to bein plain ol' gray clouds.... very dissapointing and puzzling... then the sun came out again and turned the steely skies blue... or at least you could've sworn they were blue, even after the experience a few moments earlier... but that charade only lasted until the clouds in one place cleared and the brilliant blue of the real sky could be seen... glancing from the true sky to clouds that to me earlier seemed the clearest sky was disorienting.... by that point there was no way they could be mistaken for sky, at least not when compared to the real thing.... they returned to being lifeless dreary gray lumps that stood in the way and tried to block out life giving sunlight and refreshing skies....
it made me wonder why i thought that the sky was blue when it wasn't... whether it was the tinting on the windows that made them appear blue (which also convinced me that they clouds really were blue and the tint was just makin them appear grayish), or the general deprivation from real blue sky and no longer being familiar enough with it to recognize it, or whether i was depending to heavily on the trees and other surroundings and their temporary colorings.....
it made me think about how many times in life that i convince myself that something is something it's not, generally something that's the farthest from what i think it is.... and i wonder whether i base those assumptions on the people and places around me and let them change my perspective, or whether my outlook in general is tinted by something it shouldn't be (in which case everyone if you think about it has their own tint on their windows, tints they've picked up from various circumstances in life and dealings w/ people), or whether i've just gone for so long without seeing the truth that i mistake other things for it and eagerly so.....
but at the same time, the true sky is always so recognizable.... it can't be mistaken for anything else... it's always far more brilliant and far more beautiful than anything else... it can't even be truly captured on canvas or on film or with an ink filled pen..... and above all, it can't be counterfeited.....
...
that's a thought that's really hard to swallow.... it applies to so many things in life, things i don't want to list right now.... and yes, i know there are other applications and that they can all be contradicted and confused beyond belief if i would keep going.... you could take the angle that they sky isn't really blue but black, and where would that put you philisophically? in a big mess... there's the tangent that no matter how dark and menacing the skies get, the ones we mistake for blue skies and the ones we don't, that from the heavens, they're merely overly fluffy white clouds, so full of blessings that the light can't get all the way through them if only we'd look with the right perspective....
but anyway, back to the one i wanted to talk about :-P it can be both a hopefully exhillirating and equally depressing thought.... what in your life do you look to and see as blue sky, when in fact it's a storm that you can't escape, something that couldn't in a million years be mistaken for good, yet you take it as such and fix your hopes and dreams on it only to be broken when you find out that it lacks substance and attempts to drown you when you needed sunlight and then eventually disbands and goes in many different directions..... what do you see as blue sky? and are you sure that it's blue sky? or are you being decieved by using something unreliable to help "clarify" your vision and taint your perspective?
on the other hand, when something you considered blue sky fails and destroys and hurts and winds up being merely a mirage, you have hope... you know that there is blue sky out there somewhere that is unmistakable for what it is... there will be no questions.. no doubts... no fears... and it is more brilliant, more breathtaking, more beautiful than any cheap imitation could ever dream of being.... there's something better... there's always something better...
ok, so that's not the end of that tangent, but i'm hungry and now somewhat drained and tired of goin in circles in my head... this is one of the few things i've written and am going to ask for feedback on (which means more than likely i won't get it b/c it's fiddy billion pages long, but oh well)... i know this is all very vague and can be taken a million different ways, and more than likely i've taken all the million different paths and then some, so however you want to interpret this is probably right :-P my question is, do you have any thoughts? any input? (aside from the fact that lizards overanalyze everything beyond belief) i really do want to hear what you think... if you see something i missed (or didn't feel like typing) then tell me... i know there're holes, but i also know there are multiple applications.... so... what do you think?
Comments:
Hm. Interesting thoughts.
I think the tint idea definitely applies. I think everyone does indeed have their own special "tint" on their view of the world. And the tint can also only come under certain conditions; or maybe there's more tint when we look at a specific subject or person. I know that could definitely explain a lot.
And I think the sky is blue. At least, in the metaphorical sense.
And we should always hope after that blue sky, despite clouds.
This is a very thought-provoking post. I think it's neat.
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I think the tint idea definitely applies. I think everyone does indeed have their own special "tint" on their view of the world. And the tint can also only come under certain conditions; or maybe there's more tint when we look at a specific subject or person. I know that could definitely explain a lot.
And I think the sky is blue. At least, in the metaphorical sense.
And we should always hope after that blue sky, despite clouds.
This is a very thought-provoking post. I think it's neat.
